


Violation

by ctbn60



Category: Bandfiction, Metallica
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-21
Updated: 2010-08-21
Packaged: 2017-10-11 04:46:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 44,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/108560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ctbn60/pseuds/ctbn60
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This isn't a nice story. Angst, pain, rape, Not nice at all but it does have a happy ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Violation

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Violation   
By Selursera, Loracea, ctbn60  
Rating: R - Violence, Rape, angst, confusion and love   
Disclaimer: As we all know these stories are in no way supposed to suggest anything in any way shape or form about any certain band…they are purely for fun!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Chapter ~1~

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Damn that was fucking! Awesome!" James yelled as they came off stage after their third encore.

"We were definitely on tonight, man, you could feel the crowd," Jason said as they headed off toward the limo.

"Yo! Guy's wait! Don't forget you have a few reporters to see before you can leave," Their road manager stopped them.

"Fuck, Tony, can't Lars handle that?" Kirk said, suddenly looking pale. "I'm not feeling so well."

"I'm beat," Jason yawned.

"Shit," James growled. "You two go back to the hotel! I'll do the reporter thing with Lars. Just send the limo back for us."

Jason and Kirk didn't wait for James to change his mind. They both ran out of there and straight into the limo, disappearing up the long tunnel to the back entrance of the stadium. James swore he heard the two of them laughing as they dove into the car. Shaking his head, he followed Lars to the den of reporters waiting in the pressroom.

James sat and smiled as he watched Lars handle all of the questions from the reporters. He knew from the first time that they met, that Lars would be the driving force behind the band. If they made it to the top, it would be not only from their talent, but also from his driving force. James was still buzzed from being on stage and had slipped out of the room and had a few beers with some of the crew. He made sure he sat where he could keep an eye on his best friend.

All the while he was drinking and bullshitting, his eyes kept going back to the little Dane in that room. He watched him laughing and joking and answering questions. Every time he smiled, James could feel himself getting hard. He had always wondered about Lars and Kirk. The two always seemed close, always touching or smiling at one another, but if there was anything going on between the two, they hid it well.

He started to stew, remembering times when he walked in on the pair, both men jumping and looking flustered. James thought about the time he'd opened the elevator at the last hotel the band stayed at and Lars and Kirk stood there; their faces flushed and lips swollen, and he got even harder. As the singer drank beer after beer, he found himself becoming convinced that there was something going on between the two, and he was furious. If anyone was fucking Lars, it should be him, after all he secretly lusted after Lars for years. James smiled as he saw the limo pull into the tunnel He grabbed a few beers and asked a roadie to put them in the ride.

"Okay, enough questions, motherfuckers, Lars it's time to go!" James growled as he pulled the drummer out the door.

Lars smiled and waved to the reporters as James dragged him into the limo. "Hey asshole! What did you do that for?" he giggled, trying to sound pissed.

James shoved a beer in his hand. "Let's MOVE IT!" he yelled at the driver. "Don't head back to the hotel yet. I want to go for a long ride," James said as he started to shut the divider between them and the driver. "Oh, and don't fucking disturb us until I call you."

"Yes, Mr. Hetfield," the driver said, James could see his eyes looking into the rear view mirror, as the divider closed between them.

"What's with you James? You're all hell-fire and brimstone tonight." Lars looked worried.

James was resting across the left side of the limo, his long legs splayed across the seat while his hand caressed his beer. He just stared at Lars and licked his lips. He watched with delight as he followed Lars' eyes - now locked on the singers' erection. He saw the Dane blush at being caught and he looked quickly out the window. The limo hit a bump and some of the beer spilled out and across Lars' shirt.

"Fuck! That's cold," he yelled.

James laughed. "Take the shirt off," he said softly.

"Hum…what?"

"I said take the shirt off." James' eyes glowed with desire.

"Nah! It's not so bad. It'll dry."

James moved forward and shook his bottle of beer. Aiming it at Lars, he let the golden brew spray all over the drummer's face and chest. Lars pulled off the shirt and James continued to blast him with more beer.

"FUCK! Hetfield that's cold," Lars yelled, looking for something to clean up with. 'Shit! What the fuck are you doing?" He started to giggle.

James leaned toward Lars. Moving to his knees, he approached the smaller man and his eyes focused on a golden droplet falling across Lars' chest and down to his stomach. Quickly bending forward, he started to lick the droplet, tracing the descending path, moving his tongue upward and stopping at Lars' nipple. He felt the drummer shudder. "Hmm, you like that?" James asked, as he started to lick the other nipple.

"James, wait…what are you…doing?" Lars managed to gasp out in between breaths.

James moved up the smaller man's body and nuzzled his neck, licking off more of the beer, tasting Lars. He drew his teeth across Lars' neck and laughed as the drummer whimpered in response. "I'm taking what I want."

Lars tried to push the larger man away. "James, no you can't. Kirk and I…"

James looked into Lars' eyes "... are lovers?" he sneered. "I fucking know that. And I don't give a damn. Tonight you're mine!" James grabbed the loose-fitting running pants Lars was wearing and pulled them down, exposing Lars' erection, "Doesn't seem to be too much of a problem," he leered.

Bending down, he crushed Lars' lips with his mouth, his tongue seeking pushing inside as Lars whimpered. James pressed harder and split the smaller mans lip, his tongue finally gaining entrance. He growled at the taste of the blood and the beer spilled across their tongues. James pressed himself down even harder against Lars' body, making sure their erections were now grinding against one another.

Again, the Dane moaned, but still managed to turn away from James' harsh mouth. "James, please stop this. You're drunk and you don't know what you're doing?"

James pulled back and laughed again as he started to remove his shirt. "Yea I'm fucking drunk, but I'm finally doing what I should've done a long time ago."

Lars looked at the singer as he pulled off his tight jeans. "James you can't be serious. I'm with Kirk now and I don't want…"

The drummer's words were cut short by the harsh smack across his face. "I told ya, this isn't about what you want!" James growled as he moved forward and pushed the smaller man back against the leather seat. Kneeling down between his legs, he held the Dane tightly by his arms, his fingers bruising the skin, yet his mouth started to gently nip and lick down his body, moving slowly toward Lars' straining cock. "I was always amazed, for such a tiny man, how big your cock is." James looked up at Lars, a sinister glow in his eyes "Guess I'm gonna find out exactly HOW big."

Before Lars could say another word, James had already taken his cock into his mouth. James started to lick and nip at the tip; languidly tracing circles around the head with his tongue. He could taste the tang of the beer and the saltiness of Lars skin, and he took most of the length down his throat.

Moaning, Lars thrust his hips up at the sudden, dark wetness that surrounded him. Eyes tightly closed, he moved back and forth within that welcoming mouth. "Yes…" he moaned. "Oh yes. Suck it, James. Please."

The larger man complied and sucked even harder. He could feel Lars shudder as he released his cock and started to tease it with light strokes of his tongue. "Mmmmm you taste so sweet, Lars." He stopped to admire his handy work and wrapped his hands round Lars ass. "Tell me what you want? Do you want me to suck it? Do you want me to stop?"

Lars struggled in James' grasp. "No…" he managed to get out.

"No!" James licked his balls, taking one into his mouth and sucking gently then moving to the other he applied more pressure. Lars moaned.

"James, don't… st..."

"Don't what, Lars? Stop or don't stop?" The singer smiled cruelly, as he once again licked the swollen shaft. Caressing it, he began long smooth strokes up and down its length.

Lars was furious. "Fuck! Don't stop James! Suck ME!" he screamed. "I want to come down your throat." he raged.

James continued to stroke Lars' cock and fondle his balls until he felt the drummer's balls tighten then he took him into his mouth, once again, sucking harder and harder until Lars shot deep within his throat. James laughed cruelly, pulling back from the cock. "You fucking like that! My mouth on you, licking and sucking you, making you cum! What about your little girlfriend, Kirk? What would he say? Damn Lars, you're a slut."

Those harsh words shook Lars out of his lust-induced haze. "Get the fuck off me Hetfield," he snarled, pushing the larger man with all his might. The driver hit another bump and James went flying onto the floor.

Lars reached for his clothes, but James picked up the smaller man and tossed him across the long side couch. "NO fucking way! I told you. I'm gonna take what's mine!" James reached for another bottle of beer and poured it all over his thick cock. "It's not oil, but I'm sure you're used to this." He leered, as he climbed on top of the Danes body, pulling his legs up over his shoulders.

"James, don't." One last plea from Lars.

Ignoring him, James slid his cock across Lars' ass, pushing against the hard ring of muscle. He could see the flush of arousal quickly spread throughout Lars' body, and the drummer raised his hips to meet James' thrust. With a swift movement, James plunged into him, then fully removed himself; again, sliding his cock back inside with full force, his balls slapping against the smaller man's ass. His hands gripped his hips tightly, bruising him again and claiming Lars as his.

James knew it would be worth it! His jaws clenched. Even his wildest fantasies about this moment couldn't compare with thrusting his cock deep within Lars flesh. He continued to thrust into Lars, faster and faster. He reached for Lars' cock. It twitched as he grasped it, and Lars groaned. James began working his hand back and forth in rhythm with his own thrusts. He wanted them both to come at the same time. Their breathing became more ragged and James no longer had control as he began to come deep inside Lars. A moment later, Lars cried out and shot his seed across James' chest. The larger man collapsed on top of the small Dane.

Lars lay there for a long time afterwards, weeping silently, tears flowing down his cheeks. "Not like this…" he whispered.

"Damn you were good, Lars. So hot, so tight." James pulled the drummer closer to him. "You're mine now."

Lars stroked his hair. "James, I wanna go back to the fucking hotel. Now!" his voice was steady.

"No fucking way! I want you again." James growled, started to get up and fell to the floor of the limo.

"God, James. What have you done?" He heard Lars' soft voice, as drunken unconsciousness claimed him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Quickly getting his clothes back on, Lars dressed James, then told the driver to return to the hotel. Once that was done, he curled up into a little ball on the seat, hugging his knees tightly to his chest. It seemed like hours passed and all he could do was stare at the man who had just raped him. Lars was confused and he struggled with his feelings. He'd wanted it? Didn't he? But not like this.

Right now all he could do was stare at his friend, thinking about what had happened, over and over. *Why, James? Why did you have to hurt me? I loved you once…but never thought I could have you. I have Kirk now! I need him. I won't hurt him, even for you.* Lars jumped as the buzzer rang.

"We're at the hotel sir." The driver's voice came over the intercom.

"Fine. James. JAMES!" Lars kicked him. "Wake the fuck up, you asshole. We're back at the hotel!"

James moaned, grasping his head. "What…where? Hey! I told you…"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Before James could finish, Lars was out of the door. The singer followed quickly, through the lobby, reaching for the Danes' arm to arm to slow him down. "Lars, wait." James kept his voice low, but the message was clear and Lars stopped. James came up behind him and hit the button for the elevator. "This isn't over," he said, glaring at the drummer.

The doors opened and the two men stepped inside in silence. As soon as the doors shut, James glared as Lars started screaming at him. "The fuck it isn't! Look, James, you've had your piece of ass and now this is over. I'm with Kirk and I am not going to mess this the fuck up. He's been there for me. Fuck I can't even tell him about this!"

James was furious. He grabbed the smaller man and pushed him across the elevator, slamming him into the wall "The fuck it is!" He hit the stop button and the elevator came to a grinding halt between floors. The light's flickered and Lars looked around, panicked. "NO! James…please. You know I don't like closed in spaces"

"I don't care. And I really don't give a shit about that dick, Kirk! If you don't wanna tell him, I will!" James glared. They were pressed so close together he could feel Lars heart beating wildly in his chest.

"NO! Please don't say anything. It'll ruin everything," Lars sobbed.

"Fine, I won't say a fucking thing, as long as you agree that you're mine…wherever and whenever I want you! Understand?" James banged Lars into the wall to draw him out of his panic. "Understand?" he screamed.

Lars closed his eyes tightly and nodded.

"Good," James purred. Reaching down, he pulled Lars' running pants down to his ankles.

Lars cried, shaking his head. "Not here, James, please. The walls are closing in on me."

James didn't seem to care and he started to kiss Lars, his tongue forcing its way into his mouth and across his face. "I'm here. The walls can't hurt you," he whispered into Lars' ear.

The Dane shuddered. His body was sore and bruised but he didn't want to anger James again. He just nodded.

James fell to his knees and pulled Lars down onto all fours in front of him. "You're mine, Lars, no matter what you think," he said, as he freed his cock from the tight jeans he was wearing. Not even bothering to pull his pants down, he placed his cock against Lars and thrust into him with one hard stroke not caring if he tore the tiny man. He could still smell his sent on Lars still feel the wetness of his seed from earlier. James pushed harder his come from earlier the only thing that kept Lars from tearing from such brutal thrusts.

"Fuck, James. That hurts," Lars cried out!

James smacked him hard on the ass and the cheeks reddened quickly." And I'm only getting started." James started to ram in and out of the smaller man's body, wanting to make sure the drummer knew that he owned him… possessed him. He could feel Lars shudder and push back against him and he knew he had won. Lars would be his - no matter what.

He reached around and grabbed Lars' cock and began to stroke him in time with his pounding thrusts, feeling the heat. Being inside of Lars again, he soon felt his own orgasm rising and could feel himself emptying into that tight ass, screaming Lars' name as he came.

Lars bucked and came into James hand. "James," he whimpered softly.

Once finished, James turned him around and put his cum covered fingers into Lars' mouth, He moaned as the drummer licked them clean; wrapping his lips tightly around each one and sucking hard, lapping up every drop. He felt as if Lars mouth was wrapped around his cock. He removed the last finger and kissed him. "You do taste sweet, my little Lars. Remember – anytime, anywhere…and don't tell Kirk or I could always decide to take him like this."

Lars nodded. James let the small man get up and dress, then hit the elevator button and they continued up to their rooms. James walked Lars to his suite, but before Lars could go inside, James turned him and kissed him tenderly. "Remember…mine," he whispered and left the drummer standing at the door.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It seemed like he was frozen in place. Lars had always wanted to hear those words from James, but now they scared him. James' drinking problem scared him. He knew he didn't want to lose Kirk, but most importantly he would not risk losing the band. He would think of something and until then, he would remember.

The door, Lars was leaning on, opened, jostling him from his thoughts. "Hey! I thought I heard your voice. It's late. Why are you standing out in the hall?" Kirk said as he grabbed his lover's arm and led him inside.

Lars had to think quickly. "The press conference ran longer than usual and James wanted to go for a ride!" *Best to stick as close to the truth as possible,* he thought.

Kirk laughed. "Sorry, I shouldn't have abandoned you like that."

Lars shuddered, his thoughts flashing back on the night's events. "It's okay…I…just...need. I want to shower, then I'll come to bed."

"Want me to join you?" Kirk teased.

"NO! Ah... No." Lars paused. "If you do, I'll never get done and get to bed. I'm beat tonight…I have a bit of a headache."

Kirk looked concerned. "Fine, I'll wait here and give you a nice rub down when you come out."

Lars smiled. "No, that's okay I'm just gonna crash, don't wait up," he said softly, disappearing into the bathroom.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Kirk followed his lover with his eyes. Something was wrong and he would be keeping a close eye on Lars to find out what. The man in the shower was hiding something. He looked hurt, pained. *I'm going to get to the bottom of this, and god help the one who may have hurt him.* Kirk thought.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Remember mine…

Passions guilt

Pain between us. Forever joined

Forever unending.

Between us passion was burning, brutal and forced. Taking, claiming…

Remember mine…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chapter ~2~

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

James made his drunken way back into his hotel suite. He stumbled into the room trying to make as little noise as possible and could see the outline of the figure sleeping in their bed. He didn't want to wake him, not now, he was sure there would be too many questions.

Making his way into the bathroom, James shut the door before he flicked on the light. He turned on the water as hot as he could stand it and got into the shower. The singer stood there for a long time, just letting the water caress his back and mind. James started to scrub his body with the soap, washing his arms and chest. Looking down, he froze in horror. He could see dried blood on his cock, in his blond pubes and smeared across his thigh. Finally, after a few moments, he banged his head against the shower wall. "Fuck…fuck…fuck! What have I done? I wanted him and I couldn't stop. Fuck!"

After his outburst, James stood there silently, his head against his arm, until the change in water temperature shocked him out of his thoughts. He turned off the water, got out and dried himself off, then stumbled back into the bedroom, heading for the couch on tiptoe.

"Too late, James. I'm already awake," the figure in the bed said, sleepily.

"Hey man, didn't mean to wake you," James mumbled, sitting on the bed, running his hand across his lover's back.

"No problem. What time is it, anyway?" He looked at the clock. "Fuck James, it's 5 am. I guess the interview must have gone very well," he said. James could hear the sarcasm in his voice. His lover wasn't jealous – they'd been together too long for that and their relationship was always one of need, not real love.

James looked away. "Well you know Lars. He can never get enough…of the press."

The singer watched, as his long time lover sat up and took a hard long look at him. "I 'know' you, Hetfield. What the fuck did you do now?"

James didn't want a confrontation; too much shit had happened tonight, so he grabbed the man, kissing him hard. Finally breaking the kiss, he said, "Nothing…not a thing happened, now shut up and fuck me."

"You want me to fuck you? It must've been a bad night. Het, you never offer unless you feel like being punished."

"Punish me any way you like, just fuck me now, Jase. I need you." James demanded pulling Jason closer into a deep kiss.

Jason broke the kiss and pushed James back, onto his elbows. "Remember, you asked for this."

He smacked James hard across the face, sending him down into the mattress. James knew he didn't often let Jason have the upper hand and when he did, the bassist took full advantage. It was no secret Jason liked it hard and rough and James always gave it to him that way, but Jason really got off on giving a little pain as well.

Jason removed James' belt and held it before him. "Have you been a bad boy, James?" he asked between clenched teeth, leaning over his lover, as he wrapped the belt around his right hand. Jason ran his nails down the front of James' chest causing smooth red lines to rise across his flesh.

James didn't reply.

Jason struck him again. "Answer me, bitch!" he yelled, then struck him across the face, on the other side a small trickle of blood fell from James nose.

James sat there mutely. Jason hit him again and again until James had fallen to the floor. "I'll only ask you one last time. Were you bad, James?

Finally James nodded. "Yes, I've been very bad. Punish me," he said hoarsely.

Jason struck him with the belt that was wrapped around his hand, splitting James' lip - causing blood to flow down his chin. James moaned and Jason pulled the singer to him, first licking the blood off his face, then kissing him hard, forcing James to taste more of his own blood.

He pulled James to his knees. "You know I love you," he said and forced James to open his mouth. "Suck me, Het. Suck me hard," he ordered, as he grabbed James' head and rammed his cock roughly down his throat, causing the singer to choke.

James grasped Jason's hips and tried to pull back a bit. He stifled his gagging reflex and sucked on his lover as hard as he could. Barely able to breathe, his jaw ached and his lip was bruised and torn, he welcomed the pain. He wanted to be hurt for what he had done, for what he knew he would be unable to stop doing.

He was wrenched from his thoughts by a hard pull on his hair. Jason was looking down at him; his eyes angry and he withdrew from James' mouth. "Fuck, James!" He smacked the singer. "The least you could do, is pay attention when you have your mouth around my cock," his tone was threatening.

He pushed the singer, causing his head to hit the small dresser next to the bed. James moaned in pain as Jason grabbed his hair and pulled James up to his knees, forcing him over the side of the bed. "When you're with me, you are 'mine', Het, remember that. I don't want you thinking of HIM!" Jason shouted, as he placed his cock near James' ass. With no preparation, he thrust inside of James' tightness.

The singer screamed and grasped onto the edge of the bed, twining his hands in the sheets, all he could hear was Jason saying 'mine', just as he, himself, had whispered that very word to Lars. Jason withdrew his entire length and rammed himself back into James; who felt himself tear, and felt the agony, just as he knew Lars had felt it earlier. The singer tried to focus on the pain to drown out the haunting murmur of the word 'mine' that echoed mockingly, over and over in his head.

Jason continued to pound into him and leaned forward, grabbing James' cock and started pumping with a harsh and pounding rhythm. With his other hand he used his nails and continued to mark James' back with red streaks. He pulled James tightly onto him and planted his teeth into James' shoulder, biting him hard as James screamed and came all over Jason's hand. James could feel Jason's climax building, then his hot seed filled him. His body went limp on top of the singer and both men lay there, breathless, for a long while; Jason suckling at the bite mark that was oozing blood.

"You know, James. I don't know what you did, but whatever it was, I hope it doesn't fuck up the band," Jason said. "I don't care who you fuck, but Kirk isn't so forgiving."

James pushed his lover off of him. "It's like I fucking said before…NOTHING happened. Got that? Nothing." James stormed off to the bathroom, leaving Jason staring after him.

"Well that submissive streak didn't last long did it?" Jason's tone was sarcastic and James could hear him, even through the closed bathroom door.

Fuck, Jason took so much from him. Sometimes James wondered how the hell Jase put up with his crap. The singer finished up and went back to the bed. Jason was already fast asleep and James collapsed on the bed next to the bassist. His ass was sore and his lip was swollen and throbbing, there was a large gash above his eye. Good thing they had nothing planned for the next few days, only some studio time. Fuck. He hoped things would be better in the morning. Before long the singer was fast asleep.

James was dreaming… He could hear the tiny drummer screaming, feel him pounding on the doors of the elevator. He was trapped and frightened and alone and calling for James to help save him - to help free him. James was sweating; he could feel the terror feel the heat. He couldn't move and the pounding grew louder and louder in his ears.

"JAMES!" He heard his name and then the pounding, and his heart raced faster.

"James!" He heard someone else call his name and felt a shove on his hip.

"Wha…the fuck?" James shot up in bed.

"James, Lars is pounding on the door. See what the fuck he wants," Jason, said as he headed off to the bathroom.

"Fuck," James swore as he threw himself out of bed. Pulling open the door, he stood against the doorframe blocking Lars' view. "What do you want, fucker? It's only nine am."

Lars looked all bouncy and bubbly and smiled at James. "We have a photo shoot today at ten… " He saw the Dane's eyes narrow, "…and what the fuck happened to your face?"

James touched his lip and could still feel the swelling. "I slipped on some wet tiles in the bathroom - banged up against the counter."

Lars looked at him suspiciously and James could tell he was trying to make a decision about something. "Really? Well I don't think we can put this off. Why don't you put a little ice on that and we'll see what they can do with some make up."

"Fuck!" James growled as he slammed the door in Lars' face. "I'll be down in a half hour," he yelled through the door.

Jason came out of the bathroom with a washcloth and went to the mini bar to get some ice. He walked over to James who had plopped on the couch, resting his head along the back. Jason looked over the cut critically and placed the ice on James' lip.

"You heard?" James asked.

"Yup." Jason nodded. "One thing I don't understand though is why couldn't we postpone this for a few days?"

James sighed. "Lars said we couldn't and I didn't ask why." James knew exactly why Lars wouldn't change their plans. He clearly remembered the brief look of glee on the tiny mans face when he saw James' injury. Damn, if James didn't know any better he'd swear Lars planned it this way. "Fuck, give me a beer, Jase."

"James, you haven't even eaten yet. Think this is a good idea?" he asked as he handed James the beer.

"What are you? My father?" James grabbed the beer from Jason and chugged it down.

"I'm gonna go to my room and shower; I'll be down in a bit," Jason said, shaking his head, as he left James alone in his room.

James went into the bathroom and looked into the mirror, fingering the cut. Fuck, it was bad. Lars was being a little prick and he knew it. James jumped into the shower and rinsed off. He came out and wrapped a towel around his head and dried off, dressing in some clean jeans and a black T-shirt. He managed to down two more beers before putting on his shades and heading down to the lobby.

James walked out of the elevator and spotted Lars and Kirk right away. They were sitting on the sofa in the lobby giggling and falling over one another. James growled deeply. "I'm gonna teach that fucker a lesson!"

"What?" Jason asked.

James jumped. He hadn't noticed that Jason had come along side of him. "Fuck, Jase I didn't see you," he paused. "I said, I fucking hope we can get that session over with quickly," James bluffed.

"Yea, right. Well then, lets get the happy couple and get going," Jason said.

Jason walked ahead of James. Damn, he has a fine ass, James thought. Why the fuck was he messing with that little slut of a drummer? He came up to the two men sitting on the couch. Looking at Lars sitting there smiling he felt his cock harden and he answered his own question. Because I need him, I want the little Dane and he will be mine. "I'm ready fuckers," he growled leaning down moving within an inch of Lars face he whispered. "Mine." Then James pushed himself away and walked out of the hotel toward the limo.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"What the fuck was that all about?" Kirk asked, as they got up and followed James out of the door.

Lars was still shaking a bit. He could smell the alcohol on James' breath and he was reminded of last night. "Ah…the asshole's been drinking again. He hasn't even fuckin eaten and he's started already."

"Our fearless leader," Kirk spat. "Don't let him get to you, Lars. You know he gets nasty when he's drunk."

"He doesn't get to me," Lars said as he watched Kirk disappear into the limo. He paused, just at the door, as a rush of bad memories came back; they seemed to swallow him whole and overtook him. Lars felt like he was going to smother. He couldn't move.

Kirk stuck his head out the door. "Lars, what's wrong?"

Lars was sweating and his heart raced in his chest. "Um…what?" He looked up into Kirk's dark eyes. "Nothing, I just can't seem to move…"

Lars saw James pull Kirk out of the way and he took off his glasses and glared at Lars. "Get into the limo, you asshole," he roared.

"James, I can't go in there. Please."

Lars winced as James grabbed hold of him and pulled him close to his chest. "Do you want me to tell Kirk we're lovers? Do you want him to know I took you in the back of this very limo?" he whispered into his ear.

Lars was shaking and whimpering; finally he gathered himself together enough to reply to James. "No, James, I'll get in." he said softly. How the fuck could James believe they were lovers? The fucker raped him…hurt him. He didn't love him. If he did, why did he cause him so much pain?

"Good," James said, as he pulled him into the limo. Lars pulled away and immediately moved to Kirk's side, casting his eyes down, toward the floor.

"What was that all about, Lars?" Jason looked concerned.

"Um…sometimes I just don't like closed spaces," he said softly.

Kirk put his hand on his lover's knee. "But, babe, you've ridden in a limo tons of times before and this has never happened."

Lars looked up and stared at James. "It doesn't happen often, and it'll never happen again." Lars hoped James understood the meaning of his words.

James just sat there smiling and downing another beer. "Wuss," he mumbled. Taking another swig, he closed his eyes and rested his head against the back of the seat.

Lars felt empty and cold. He knew it was just a matter of time before James made good on his earlier threat. *MINE* was all that the little Dane could hear, echoing through his head as the limo pulled away from the hotel.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chapter ~3~

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The band arrived for the photo shoot and the photographer had a hell of a time covering up James' bruises, but with a pair of shades and some clever angles, they were finally happy with the first part of the shoot.

The singer usually hated these sessions, but Paul seemed to be a really cool kind of guy. He didn't faun all over them and act star struck like some of the other photographers that had taken their pictures.

He was business like and professional, changing angles and lenses, all the while joking with the band trying to make them comfortable. He was a hockey fan and that, in itself, made James sit up and take notice. He had some awesome photos of the San Jose Sharks hanging on his walls, and for a while James actually felt at ease; talking and joking with the crew.

Before he knew it, flashes were going off and Paul's staff was deftly handing the photographer a new camera loaded with a fresh roll of film. Flashes were popping and Master of Puppets was blasting over the stereo system. Things were moving along pretty quickly and James was actually smiling for a change; this wasn't so fucking bad. It was too bad he was also drinking.

They took five just to adjust some flash angles, and it was then that James realized Lars was watching him. He could focus in on the tiny Dane through the dark glasses without being noticed. The sheer look of delight that had crossed his face, as James flinched when the makeup artist tried to touch up the marks in between shots, was making James more and more angry, and he wasn't sure if the Dane knew the effect that his gloating was having on him. One thing for sure, he was pissed and being pissed made him very horny. James was really starting to like this game. It was time to teach the fucker a lesson.

"Lunch," called the photographer. "There's a full set up in the lounge. We can take up where we left off in about ninety minutes, if that's all right with you guys?"

"Sounds great," Lars said, and headed out of the studio, with Kirk and the rest of the crew following right behind him.

Jason walked up to James. "So, Het...wanna get a bite to eat with me?"

"Right now, I want another beer." James smiled at Jason, pulling the bass player into an embrace. "And I want to put my tongue down your throat." He did just that.

Jason pulled away, his breathing hard. "You know James, I wish you'd stop playing these fucking games."

James just laughed. "It's not a game, Jase and are you complaining? I could just stop fucking you all together."

"I just wish you would grow up and stop screwing with everyone's mind. You're hurting people's feelings. One day you may be the one to get hurt."

James gave Jason the middle finger as he made his way to the door.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jason watched as James left the room, giving him the finger and laughing as he walked through the door. "Fucking dick," the bassist spat.

"Hey, Jason got a second?" It was Kevin, his personal assistant.

Jason spun around. "Sure, Kev, what's up?" Kevin nervously looked around the room. Jason could see he was uncomfortable. "Is something wrong, Kevin? We've been friends a long time. You can tell me anything."

"I need to talk to you, Jase... I need to talk to you about something and I have to do it now, before I chicken out."

Jason just looked at his friend. "I said you could tell me anything, man. I mean it." They sat on the sofa together and he waited for Kevin to get comfortable.

Kevin suddenly bolted up off of the couch, as an assistant came into the room. "Jase, do you think we could take a walk together? A nice long walk. What I have to say, I need to do in private."

Jason smiled. He wondered what was going through Kevin's mind, even though he had a pretty good idea. He had seen the way Kevin had been looking at him for a long while, but guessed either one was too wrapped up in a relationship to do anything about it. "Sure, I could use some air right about now." Jason put on his jacket and moved to the doorway. "Lets go." He smiled and followed Kevin out the door. Things might just be looking up.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

James walked into the lounge and grabbed a beer. He plopped himself on the couch right next to Lars and threw his arm over the back of him. Peering into the plate of food Lars was holding, he muttered, "Looks good."

"Why don't you eat something, James? All that drinking without eating can't be good for you," Lars said.

"Another one who thinks he's my fucking father," James growled at Lars. "Mind your own fucking business."

"He's right, James. You need some food, you're getting out of control," Kirk added.

James threw the beer across the room, just missing the side of Kirk's head. "If I wanted your opinion, dick, I'd ask for it."

He watched Kirk rise to the challenge, just as the photographer came into the room. "I'd like to do some individual shots while the others are eating. Would you be ready, Mr. Hammett? I'd like to do you first."

"So would Lars," James snickered as he sipped another beer.

Kirk glared at the singer. "Sure, Paul it's no problem, and please call me Kirk. Lars and I can come right now."

"Actually, I'd prefer to work one on one for this. It's just my style - you know, get to know each of you a bit better... see what makes you tick. You first, then Jason, James and finally Lars."

"So how long before you get to us?" Lars asked.

"Probably about an hour or more, depends. You can stay here, or take a walk. There are plenty of places to go around here. There's a really nice park about a half a mile away."

James placed his arm around Lars. "Oh don't worry. We'll find something to do." He grinned.

"Good, then it's settled." Paul turned to the guitarist. "Kirk, let's get started," he said, leading him into the studio.

James watched Kirk follow the photographer out of the room; Kirk's eyes never left James or Lars. The singer just smirked at the he put an arm possessively around Lars, leading him from the room.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Fuck, James. Let my arm go. You're hurting me," Lars yelped, his anxiety growing.

"Yeah, so?" James was opening doors and looking inside the rooms.

"What are you looking for? These are Paul's studios. We shouldn't be back here." Lars tried to resist James, who only pulled his arm harder, causing him to yell again.

"I'm looking for a place where we can 'talk'," James threatened and almost wrenched Lars' arm from his shoulder. Lars bit his lip in pain.

"We can talk in the lounge, James!"

"Not the talking I plan to do." James threw Lars into the wall and pressed his body against the tiny Dane.

"James, stop this... you... don...umph." Lars was silenced with James' mouth as he started to kiss him. The other night started to flash through his mind again and he began to struggle harder against James' strong arms. He whimpered into the singer's lips as he finally gave up, realising that it was no use struggling against the powerful grip; he could already feel his arms bruising.

Breaking the kiss, James trailed smaller kisses down Lars' neck. "Don't what, Lars? You know you want this. Don't try to deny it."

Lars started to struggle against the singer again, infuriated by his words. "No, James. You aren't listening. I don't want it... not like this."

James stopped and pulled Lars down the hall again." Of course you do, your cock is as hard as can be."

He spun Lars around, pulling him close again. Lars could feel the singer's hand caressing his erection and felt angry at his body's betrayal. "No," he spat through gritted teeth.

"Even if you didn't, it really wouldn't matter... I do!" James continued on his way, dragging the Dane behind him and finally found what he was looking for. "Ah...here we are," he said, as he pushed Lars into the room.

"It's a fucking darkroom, James!" Again, Lars felt stifled, as if the walls were closing in on him. He tried to move his body back toward the door and found James' massive form blocking him. Lars instinctively backed up.

James flicked on the red light. "Precisely." He grinned, looking very ominous as he advanced on Lars, who jumped back even further into the room. "Nice and dark, and it has a lock on the door." He turned the lock and Lars heard the click. "Now get undressed," he ordered.

Lars started to say something, but couldn't; the words just wouldn't come. Instead, he started to undress, very mechanically. He watched James finish off the last of his beer as he leered at him. Soon the tiny drummer stood there naked, hands at his side, waiting for James to do or say something.

"James, please can we stop this?" Lars' voice trembled and he started shaking with fear.

"No," James murmured softly. "You're 'mine', and you will do what I say, when I say so."

He advanced on Lars, while pulling his jacket off and tossing it aside. Lars' heart was pounding and he moved back away from James, bumping into the negative projector.

"I'm going to fuck you really hard, Lars." James pulled off his shirt. "For thinking that my bruises were so fucking funny and not postponing the shoot."

Lars backed into the sink and banged his elbow on the metal edge, "Fuck," he swore. "James no...please I didn't." Lars looked around his heart pounding in his ears, his pulse racing. "I have to get out of here, James the walls are closing in on me again, please," he begged softly.

James kicked off his boots and un-zipped his pants, as he stood before Lars, who had now backed himself against the wall. "Payback can work both ways, motherfucker, now take them off."

Lars fell to his knees; his hands sweating and he trembled as he worked the denim slowly down James' long, lean legs. James' thick cock clearly aroused and standing erect, hit him on the cheek as he leaned forward to pull down the pants. He finally worked the jeans all the way down and the singer stepped out of them, kicking them to the side.

James raised his hand and the sudden movement had Lars flinching in terror. He gently caught the back of the Dane's neck and pulled Lars to him. "Don't worry. I'm not gonna mark that lovely face - At least, not now, but after the shoot, we'll see." James held his cock in his hand and guided Lars' mouth to it. The tiny man opened obediently and took the entire length down his throat, sucking hard.

James threw his head back and groaned. "Yesssss. God, you do that so well! Lots of practice with your little lover, Quirk, huh?" Lars continued to suck and James pulled his hair back and tilted his head up so Lars could see his face. "All that's gonna stop real soon. Understand me?"

Lars looked at James questioningly. A million thoughts ran through his head and he started to gag and try to pull back off James' cock. The singer held him firmly in place. "Just know you're mine... and soon, I won't put up with you being with anyone else."

The tears flowed to Lars' eyes and he felt betrayed once again. James had lied to him about not going to Kirk. He pushed against James' thighs trying to free himself, not caring how angry it might make him.

"Enough!" James pushed Lars off of his cock. "I love having you at my feet, all submissive and unwilling but... I want to fuck you."

Lars felt his body go limp, as James pulled him to the floor. "Goddamm, James, No. Please, not here. Can't we wait till we get back to the hotel? I can't stand it in here. You're doing this to me again, you bastard!" Lars forced his body up onto his knees and James pushed him hard face down onto the floor. His knee firmly planted into Lars' back, pinning him down. Lars struggled as he saw James reach for his discarded jacket and pull a small jar from the pocket. He pushed with all his strength, and tried to lift himself up on his arms as he heard James remove the top.

"No...now is just fine, besides, I told you, I'm here...you'll be fine." Lars could see James pour the oil onto his fingers and smooth it over his cock, running his hand slowly over the entire length. He leaned over Lars and purred into his ear. "I can't wait to get inside you Lars, you're so tight!"

"Fuck you, No, I can't let you do this. I don't want to lose control again, James."

Lars started to struggle once more, but it was useless. James used his arm and came down hard across the drummer's forearms causing him to buckle and his head to drop down as the singer pulled his ass up. "I'm always in control... so get used to it!" James told him, as he plunged his cock deep into the drummer.

Lars' body tensed up from the sudden intrusion. "Relax, Lars. We don't want you ripping again." James slowly began moving in and out of the Dane. "Breathe and relax," James whispered and finally Lars started to relax a little. "That's better, yes?" He heard James purr silkily. "You like this...you like my cock in you, don't you?"

Lars wanted to deny it, but James started to increase the speed of his strokes and Lars moaned, yet shook his head, no. "James, I don't like this," he gasped softly. "You're not being fair. Someone could find us here." His voice held a tone of panic as he felt the walls closing in. He closed his eyes tightly to try and stop them from crowding in on him.

James stilled. "So what? I don't care and soon it won't matter anyway."

"What do you mean?" Lars lifted his head, fright shaking his body, the unwanted intrusion forgotten for a moment in his anger.

James laughed and reached down and started stroking Lars' cock. The tiny man writhed beneath him and thrust forward into his hand. "So you'd settle for me taking you whenever I pleased?"

Tears flowed from Lars' eyes. His body betrayed him, what James was doing felt so good he just wanted to come even though he hated what was being done to him. He nodded his head, and it took him a long time to be able to answer. "Yes. Please, you can't mess up the band, it's all we know it's our life."

James started to move his cock inside Lars again. "Nothing is going to fuck up the band. I won't let it."

"James! Lars!" Lars thought he heard a voice calling them.

"Fuck! It's Kirk!" Lars said, frantically. "James, get off me. He'll find us! I don't want a major confrontation here."

"James, Lars? Are you fucking back here?" Lars could hear door handles being tested.

"He'll find us if you don't fucking shut up!" James snarled softly and placed his hand over Lars' mouth, covering the tiny Dane's lips and nose.

Lars gasped and his eyes widened in horror. He clawed and grasped at the singer's hand, trying to remove it from his face. Fear mounted and overtook him as he struggled to free himself. He could feel darkness overtaking him. Feel the warmth and the dark pulling him in. He thought he felt James' cock grow harder inside him and the singer started to increase his strokes.

"Yeah, you fucking love this. Me inside you, fucking your tight ass while Kirk looks for us. You're getting off on this. Aren't you?" he whispered into Lars' ear.

They froze, as the door handle was turned. "Fuck, it's locked," they heard Kirk say as he went down the hall in the other direction.

Lars shook his head and tore at James' hand, tears falling down his cheeks. James adjusted his grip, loosening his hand and Lars started to scream, not caring anymore if anyone found them. James promptly covered his mouth again and stilled his movements, waiting for a minute to see if Kirk returned.

*Please god please come back, Kirk I need you,* Lars' silent plea went unanswered. His heart sank as he heard Paul's voice calling Kirk and the door closing at the end of the hall.

"Bad move, lover!" James pushed his cock deep into the drummer. "You really fucked up this time," he whispered into his ear. The pounding increased and Lars felt James' body tense as his orgasm ripped through him. He moaned loudly as he came, then laid on top of Lars' back, possessively, all Lars could do was to listen to his heart race and cry. After several minutes, he finally felt James' cock withdraw from his body.

Lars rounded on him and punched him hard in the face. "You motherfucker! You could have killed me! Goddammotherfucking cocksucking asshole!" Lars lunged for James and fell flat on his face, as the singer quickly moved aside.

James just laughed as he stood up and got dressed. "Why would I kill you? I told you; I want you. You're 'mine'. I take care of what belongs to me."

Lars lunged at James again and the singer caught his arms and held them out to the side. "You're a drunken asshole if you think what you're doing is taking care of someone, James. You're so fucking twisted, it isn't funny!" Lars snapped.

Unable to take the closeness of the room any longer, he pulled himself from James' grasp and struggled to get dressed. "I've had it with you. This was too much!" Lars had trouble zipping his pants over his still hard cock.

James pointed. "I'll take care of that for you!" He smiled, oozing charm.

"Fuck you! I don't want anything from you, James! It's over, no matter what I said before. You can't do this anymore, understand? I'm gonna tell Kirk myself, tonight, what's been happening. You'll have nothing to hold against me. No matter what it does to the band, I can't go on like this."

"Fine," James said, blankly.

"Fine?" Lars looked at James strangely, his heart stilled. He knew James would not give up this easily.

"Yeah, fine." James unlocked the darkroom door and stepped into the hall. "Like I said, I have other plans anyway." He slammed the door, leaving Lars alone.

Lars sunk to the floor, his arms grasped tightly around his legs and he started cursing in Danish and crying. What the fuck was Hetfield doing to him? He sat there and rocked back and forth. James must have something planned. Lars was becoming scared. He knew the singer was nasty when he was drinking. Hell, everyone was scared of James; but James was Metallica and the studio made it clear they stood behind him. The singer got away with intimidating a lot of people and Lars was tired of being one of them. Yet, he knew deep down in his heart, exactly how much he loved him. He was a fool to think that having James this way was better than not having him at all. "Fuck! What am I doing?" he asked the darkroom walls. "I love him and I'm trapped." Lars realized he was both apprehensive and disappointed when James had said 'fine'. Again, he felt the rising panic return and he raced out of the darkroom and back down the hall.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

James stuck to Lars like glue when he came back into the room. Jason was already in with the photographer, and the singer wasn't about to leave Kirk and Lars alone for very long.

About thirty minutes had passed when Kirk received a phone call from the hotel, insisting his room was ransacked and he needed to return to give a statement to the police.

James watched the guitarist caress Lars' face, before he shot a look at James and left the studio, then noticed Lars walking over to him.

"I don't know how you managed to get Kirk called away, James, but it really doesn't make any difference. I'm still gonna talk to him tonight." Lars told him.

James feigned mock horror. "Me? Now how on earth could I have anything to do with his room being robbed?" He laughed.

"You forget, James. I know you better than you know yourself. When you drink, you do things...things that are wrong. Is this part of your plan?"

"Plan? What plan, Lars?" Jason interrupted. No one had noticed him walking back into the room.

"The plan was for us to all go out to a nice dinner tonight after the shoot. You know, spend a little time together with no one else around. Have a little food, a few drinks," James answered for Lars.

"Yeah right," Lars said, his tone sarcastic. He turned to Jason. "Kirk had some trouble and had to go back to the hotel. His room was robbed."

"Shit! Robbed? Fuck, that's awful," Jason said. "So dinners off, then?"

"Actually... no. I'm gonna finish my shoot before Lars, then I'll go to the hotel and pick up Kirk. We'll both meet you at the restaurant." James grinned.

"No!" Lars protested. "Why can't you wait until I'm done? Then we'll all go get him."

"Nope, not open for discussion. We've had a hell of a long day. I'd rather not waste time," James said, as he disappeared into the studio with Paul.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"There's not point in arguing with him, Lars. When James makes up his mind, that's it. His word is law," Jason said.

"If you only knew, Jase," Lars answered. He could hear the desperation in his own voice.

"You know, I'm not blind. I can see something is going on here and if it affects the band, I think I need to know what it is." Jason put his hand on Lars' shoulder.

"I have to talk to someone, maybe you can help." Lars sat down with Jason on the sofa. Before he could say another word, he heard James call him from the other room.

"Fuck! I'll be right back, Jase." Lars got up and walked into the studio. Paul was reloading his camera and James motioned for Lars to come up along side him.

"Don't even fucking think about confiding in Jason," he whispered.

Lars was determined to stand up to James - starting now. He looked him straight in the eye. "I told you, James. I'm not hiding this any longer and you can't stop me. I'm going to tell Jason and Kirk everything you've been putting me through."

James grasped Lars' arm and squeezed. "Go ahead. He won't believe you, asshole,"

"That hurts, fuck! Why not, James? He knows what you're capable of when you're drunk." Lars pulled away and rubbed his bruised arm.

"He won't believe you because... we're lovers," James said.

Lars paled and his stomach felt like it was being ripped apart. "What? You're a fucking liar," he yelled.

"Keep your voice down, asshole! Nope, I'm not lying; we have been for several years. Don't believe me? Go ask him yourself. He'd never believe what you'd tell him."

"I'm ready now, James." Paul's voice broke through Lars' jumbled thoughts. "If we could get some privacy?"

"Sure, Paul. Lars was just leaving. He has something he wants to tell Jason," James smirked.

Lars left the studio and returned and sat down on the sofa, his face pale.

"Lars, what's wrong? You look awful." Jason looked concerned.

Lars wanted to speak, but the words wouldn't come to him. Finally, after a few minutes, he managed to ask. "Jase, is it true? Are you and James lovers?"

"Is that what he just told you?"

Lars nodded.

"Fuck, why on earth would he choose now to tell you?" Jason paused and sat next to Lars. "Yes. We have been for years. But it's o..."

"No! Stop, Jase it's okay. I understand. It's okay and it's really none of my business." Lars was only more confused and bewildered. James was fucking Jase, Fucking him... using him... using everyone. "I'm such a fool."

"Lars, wait! Please tell me what's wrong? What's going on?"

"Nothing, Jase. Nothing is going on. No one can help me. I need to be alone, and get some air," Lars said. Leaving Jason sitting on the couch, he went outside.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

James stood inside the studio doorway for a long time, just looking at Lars. He watched the tiny Dane pace back and forth and look to the sky. He could hear him talking out loud in Danish, but could only make out the various curse words that were thrown into the tirade. He watched him in silence for a long time. Deep down he hated what he was doing, but it was the only way to be sure Lars would be his, no matter what and that was all that mattered. He was afraid to love him any other way. He didn't know how. Besides it didn't matter no one would leave him ever again. James went outside. "It's fucking cold out here, dickhead," He said at last, putting a jacket around Lars' shoulders. He felt the drummer stiffen and tremble.

"Leave me alone, Hetfield." Lars looked numbly off into the distance.

"Sorry, no can do. It's your turn and I'm off to get Kirk." James moved around the drummer and headed for the limo. "Jason's gonna stay with you, now get the fuck inside."

"James!" Lars shouted. "Please, don't do anything."

"Lars, we're ready for you," Paul called from the studio door.

"Get inside, asshole. It's cold," James said, as he got into the limo and it pulled away.

James could hear Lars shout, "Fuck!" As the limo pulled away, James watched the tiny drummer walk back inside the photo studio.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Back at the hotel, James went to Kirk's suite. He waited until the police left, and walked over to Tom, the head of their security.

"We're sure sorry about this, Mr. Hetfield. We can't figure out how the asholes got in here. Nothing was forced. The room was totally trashed and his things were strewn everywhere. The bed was sliced to ribbons and a large hunting knife was found lodged in one of the pillows. It was a scary sight."

"It's James, Tom and it's not your fault," James said, reassuring the man. "Just make sure that Kirk gets a new room. Put him next to mine, if it's free I believe the room adjoins mine, so he'll be safer. Would you take care of that for me now, please?" He saw the man shoot a look at Kirk's door. "Don't worry, I'll stay here for a bit. And then we're going out in a bit for some dinner. Come back then and move his stuff for him."

"Sure thing, James," Tom said and left the singer standing in the doorway.

James peeked round the door and saw Kirk sitting on the couch, holding onto a few of his things. He looked around. "Whoa... what a fucking mess, man, Look, Let's get out of here. We're going to all catch some dinner together. I've got Tom to move your stuff to another room."

Kirk looked up; his face clearly distressed. "It's odd, James. They didn't take anything. They just tore the place to shreds. Really cut up the bed and left a mess. But they didn't fucking take anything. I don't get it." He sounded lost and bewildered.

"Maybe they were sending you a message." James said.

Kirk looked up, confusion clearly etched across his face. "A message? I don't understand."

James just shrugged and watched as Kirk went into the bathroom. "I'm sure you will, Kirk. You will," he said softly.

"Fucking shit!" Kirk yelled from the other room.

James ran into the bathroom to see what had happened. Scrawled on the mirror in red, was the word M I N E written in large block letters.

"Yup... looks like a definite message to me." James didn't let Kirk say anything; he just pulled the stunned man from the bathroom. "Let's go. The others are waiting," he said as he led Kirk into the hallway shutting the door behind them.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chapter ~4~

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Everyone met at this small Mexican restaurant that Paul had recommended. James sat in between Kirk and Lars. Lars thought he was being very supportive and reassuring about the robbery - too supportive. Lars eyed him suspiciously and James just smiled at them and ordered dinner. Jason excused himself and went to the restroom. Lars got nervous as James got up to follow him.

"I'll be right back - gotta piss too," he said out loud, then quietly added to Lars only. "Say one fucking thing to Kirk about us, and you'll regret it. I'll take it out on his ass. Understand?"

Lars didn't say anything he just nodded. Lars was no dummy, he had already figured out James was the one who'd had Kirk's room ransacked. Lars wouldn't risk James hurting Kirk physically as well.

"So, Uli you gonna tell me what's going on with you and James?"

Lars could take being James' punching bag, but he wasn't going to put Kirk in that position. "Nothing, babe. We just have some band issues to get through. You know how he hates the business end of it all? Well, lately he wants to be involved and we're coming to blows."

Kirk grabbed Lars' arm and turned it to look at his bruised wrist. "Lars, is he beating you?"

"No, he just gets grabby sometimes. You know that. We've all been at the receiving end of his temper."

"There's more to this. I wish you would confide in me. Uli, you know we've always promised to be honest with one another. I love our relationship and we've always taken things one day at a time. We swore that if something or someone else came into the picture, the other would step aside. I know how you feel about James, but I just can't step aside if he's hurting you."

Lars ran his hand down his lover's cheek. "I'm fine and there's no need to step aside. You're the only thing that's keeping me sane, Kirk. When we get back to the hotel, make love to me tonight, please? I need you." Kirk nodded and smiled, but Lars could see a hint of sadness behind that smile.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

James walked into the bathroom and looked at Jason. "Jase, you seem kind of quiet tonight," James said. "Almost distracted."

"I have something on my mind, Het."

"Wanna share, dick?" James asked, as he pissed in the urinal.

"James, I want out of our relationship... it's over."

"Over? Really, why now all of a sudden? Kevin finally trying to get into your pants?"

"Fuck, Het. You're an utter asshole," Jason yelled, as he zipped up. "You know damn well it was always just sex between us. That's all it ever was and frankly, I need more."

James ran his hand down Jason's arm and smiled. "How can you say that, babe? It's always been good for us."

"Good? The sex? Yeah, it was always good and hot, but it became a bit tiring to hear you constantly calling out Lars' name as you came."

"What? There's no fucking way I did that."

"That's right asshole. You would manage to cry out for Lars at least a few times a week when you fucked me. If you love him, James, just fucking tell him... before it's too late - before someone gets hurt."

"Lars is with Kirk, he won't leave him. Besides, I don't fucking love him, I just want to own him, like I owned you - there's a difference."

Jason shook his head. "James, you need to stop drinking and face what you're afraid of. I, for one, am looking forward to a chance at being happy with Kevin. Don't you want to be happy?" Jason didn't wait for an answer; he just turned and left the room.

What the fuck does he know? "This is going to be easier then I thought, one complication out of the way...only one more to go," James muttered, as he left the bathroom and walked toward their table, a small bottle clutched in his hand.

The guys talked, ate and laughed for most of the night. James made sure the liquor kept flowing and that everyone was happy. "Another round of Margaritas for everyone," James told the waitress.

"Shit, I've had enough," Jason mumbled, as he pushed back from the table and rubbed his stomach. "'Cides, Kev is waiting for me."

"Kev? You mean... you and Kev, your guitar Tec?" Kirk asked, looking shocked.

Jason smiled and nodded. "Yup, we're giving this relationship thing a go. I figured it might be interesting to know where I stand, for a change. It might not work out, but you never know..."

"But I thought you and..." Kirk didn't finish the sentence, James watched Kirk closely, as he seemed to grow pale, at the news. The waitress came and settled 4 glasses in front of them. James watched as he took the cap off of the small vial in his hand.

"I'm gonna take a cab and I'll catch you fuckers back at the hotel," Jason called to the others, as he left the table.

"He looks happy," Lars said, smiling. His demeanor quickly changed to one of dread, as he turned to look at James.

"Well, let's just finish the last of these and head back ourselves," James said, as he handed Kirk his glass, then gave Lars his. He slipped the empty vial back into his pocket.

They finished their drinks and James used his cell phone to call for the limo. Lars and Kirk went to the bathroom and James went to wait outside. James wondered what was taking them so long. The limo was due to arrive any minute and they still hadn't come outside yet. James was pacing back and forth; he didn't want to go back into the restaurant. He was hard thinking of all the things he planned to do tonight - hard and impatient.

They finally came out and James watched Lars closely. The stuff was supposed to work quickly and last for about three or four hours. James smiled cruelly, as Lars raised his hand to his head.

"Damn, I have one fucker of a headache," Lars said, as he rubbed his temples and swayed, leaning against James.

Kirk shot a cold stare at the two of them. "You're getting old, babe. You can't hold your liquor anymore." Kirk said.

"Dick," Lars laughed and then fell against James in pain just as the limo arrived.

"Why don't you let me help you?" Kirk offered and moved toward Lars and James.

"Don't worry, Quirk I've got him," James snarled and he picked up and Lars and placed him into the limo, then he turned and pulled a startled Kirk in after them. "Hey, Steve, back to the hotel, please."

"Yes, Mr. Hetfield," the driver said, as he took of down the road.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Kirk glared again at James as he held the tiny Dane. He watched, as James pulled Lars' head into his lap and gently brushed back his hair from his face. "Fuckers, sound asleep," James said.

Kirk sat there staring, he was pissed off, but very drunk himself and really didn't want to make anything out of this, not now. He just didn't trust James. He knew how the singer got, when he wanted something. He remembered when he found out about James and Jason about two year's back. Jason wasn't into guys; Kirk had known that for a fact. He had tried getting something going with Jason himself. Jason just explained that he preferred women and that was that. However, James didn't care. Once he set his sights on the poor bassist, he hounded him, until he'd got what he wanted. Kirk had kept their secret for selfish reasons. He figured if he couldn't have Jase, then he wanted a go at Lars. He knew how Lars felt about James, but if James was distracted with Jase, then, that was good for him.

"That's odd. He didn't really drink that much tonight," Kirk finally said.

"Maybe we're all getting old." James looked out the window. They had arrived at the hotel. "Guess I'm gonna have to carry him."

"Through the lobby? What will people think?" Kirk was mortified.

"So what? Who gives a fuck? Can't leave him here all night. Let's go!" James ordered, as the limo door opened. James pulled Lars out and flung him over his shoulder - Lars' face in James' ass and his long hair flowing past James' knees. "Get moving, Quirk."

Kirk opened the door for James and silently followed them inside, through the lobby. James stopped at the front desk as Kirk went to wait for the elevator. The guitarist blushed at the odd stares the trio were getting. The elevator finally came and they got inside. "Get his key out of his pocket," James instructed and Kirk obeyed quickly. "Let's get him settled in his room and then I'll walk you to yours."

Kirk stiffened, a small voice in his head cried out danger. "That's okay. I can go to my room myself."

"Actually you can't; I have your new key, remember? I told you they moved your room." Kirk nodded and followed them out of the elevator.

He opened the door for James and watched, as he gently laid the tiny Dane on the bed. James smoothed his hair aside and loosened his pants, undoing the button, then the zipper and gently pulling them off. Kirk's mouth went dry at the sight before him. Something about James undressing Lars was so erotic. James pushed the covers aside, then tucked Lars in. Kirk didn't say anything, but he felt it was really odd how Lars seemed to be dead to the world and the tender care James seemed to be taking with Lars, was way out of character for the singer.

James looked up at Kirk and he felt like an animal caught in a hunter's sights. He swallowed hard again and James smiled at him.

"Is he okay? He really seems out of it."

"He's fine, Quirk." James shut off the small light on the nightstand. "Let's go get you tucked in next, shall we?" James grinned.

Kirk felt himself shudder at James' words. He just put Lars' key on the dresser and followed the singer into the hallway.

James walked over and opened Kirk's room. Kirk stayed outside, while James looked around. He sighed as James came back out two minutes later. "Well, Quirk, it looks like you're safe for tonight. The room's empty." James tossed him his room key. "Put the double lock on this door when I leave." James smiled and closed the door behind him. Kirk went right over and did as James had instructed.

Kirk was a bit relieved his feelings seemed unfounded. James had helped out then left him alone. He was tired but felt sticky, so he decided to undress and, went into the bathroom to shower. The water felt good, caressing his body and he had just begun to enjoy the feeling, when he thought he heard a noise in the other room. "Anyone there?" he yelled. "That's fucking stupid. Of course no one's there. You locked the fucking door, dick," he said out loud.

He went back to his showering and turned, to see a shadow pass along the shower curtain. It was the outline of a man and he was holding a knife. Suddenly, the man pulled the shower curtain aside. Kirk screamed in panic and fell down, cowering in the tub. He waited for the man to attack, but all he heard was laughter - very familiar laughter.

"James? Motherfucker, what the fuck do you think you are doing? You scared the crap outta me, dick" he yelled. "I could've had a fucking heart attack!"

James grabbed Kirk by his hair and pulled him up, so he looked James right in the eyes, forcing him to stand on his tiptoes. "Did I, Kirk? Well, that's a good start and before I'm through with you tonight, you're gonna be a hell of a lot more frightened."

"James! Stop this! No...." James backhanding him across the face silenced Kirk's shout. Blood seeped from his nose.

"Just shut the fuck up. No screaming or yelling." James put his knife to Kirk's chest and lightly drew the blade across it. Blood oozed from the cut. "Understand? If you yell, the cuts get deeper. I have no problem with permanently marking that smooth body." James ran his hand along Kirk's chest.

Kirk was in a panic. His heart was racing and he knew James was deadly serious. His breaths were coming in short gasps and he yelled, as he suddenly felt himself being yanked from the shower by his hair and thrown across the bed.

The light was on and Kirk could see that James had already been busy securing rope to the sides of the bed and placing a few items on Kirk's nightstand.

"Don't move, Quirk."

Kirk was wet, scared and started to panic as James began to tie his arms to the bed. "James, if this is about Lars, we can talk about it. You don't have to do this," Kirk pleaded, as James started to tie his other arm down. "He loves you and..." Again, the pain burned through him, as James slapped him hard.

James straddled Kirk's hips and lowered his face right to the guitarist's. "I'm fucking sick and tired of everyone talking about love. This isn't about love. It's about taking what's mine. Lars is mine and tonight, I'm giving you a taste of what it's like to be mine - a taste of what Lars will get, if you don't stay away."

"I can't let you hurt him, James." Kirk struggled even harder; he was more concerned for Lars then his own safety. He just wanted to get through to James, but he realized he was fighting a loosing battle. He knew James wanted to do this to him, just as much as he wanted to take Lars again and again. James was a sick messed up fucker.

James laughed. "Really? He's been mine for a while now. Hasn't he told you?"

"No," Kirk had his own suspicions, but never pushed. He cared for Lars too much and knew he would end up with James sooner or later - but not like this - it was wrong. Lars didn't deserve this.

"Obviously, he likes it and doesn't want you to know."

"Fucker, he's probably just afraid of you." Again the blinding pain connected as James' fist came in contact with his stomach. Kirk gasped. "Ahhhh... let me go, and get the fuck out of here, you prick."

"Brave words for a man who's tied up."

"Untie me and I'll show you how brave I am. I'm not afraid of you, like the others." Kirk said, not believing the words came from his own mouth. Fuck, fuck...that was stupid, his fear was making him do stupid things.

"Everyone has their fear... or weakness. Even you, you fear I'll hurt Lars." James tied the other arm to the bed. "Lars fears I'll hurt you. I'm just showing Lars, he's right. Once I do that, he'll be mine." James leaned down and licked and sucked at the cut across Kirk's chest. "Don't worry, I do plan to let you go, but only after I fucking take you, and have you begging for more. See, I know that's your second biggest fear - giving yourself to me," James taunted.

"You're fucking delusional. I'll never beg you." Kirk was panicked, his survival instincts kicked in and he could feel the adrenaline coursing through his body, but he was no match for James. He didn't realize that challenging him was the worse thing he could do.

James grabbed the knife from the side of the bed and put it against Kirk's throat. Kirk whimpered. "Really? You don't think you'll beg me? Think that you're too fucking good for me?" James slapped him and Kirk felt his lip split in two, felt the knife press against his neck. The blade, cutting into his flesh, stung. James leaned down and sucked on Kirk's lip, causing pain to rush through his body.

He arched in response and James ground his erection into the smaller man. "I think you'll be begging for me, soon enough. I know you, Kirk. Know what you want, what you need," James said, as he jumped off of Kirk and stripped the rest of his clothes off.

Kirk's eyes widened at the sight of a naked James before him. God, the fucker was thick. He knew if he struggled that this was going to hurt. "James, I'm not into pain, really. Neither is Lars. Please stop this."

James straddled the Filipino once again, his hand reaching down, grasping Kirk's cock. He slowly began a rhythm with his hand, making quick work of getting Kirk hard. He leaned over to the nightstand and grabbed something. Kirk screamed, as he realized James just snapped a cock ring on him. "Fucker," he spat.

"Seems like you're gonna have a problem coming," James snickered.

Kirk's eyes widened in terror as his cock swelled and the pain shot through his groin. "Motherfucker," he rasped. "Lars...what if...he...comes...here?"

"You're a stupid fucker. Lars isn't going anywhere for about four hours. I didn't want him disturbing our playtime, so I drugged him."

Kirk wanted to kick himself. He'd known something wasn't right, but hadn't done anything about it. "James, you could have killed him with that shit. Don't you care about him?"

James glared at Kirk and struck him again. "Stop questioning me, fucker! Do you understand?" he screamed. He leaned over to the table and grabbed the bottle of tequila. He opened it and took a swig, then poured some over Kirk's chest and split lip. Kirk screamed in pain, as the strong alcohol flowed into his cuts, burning like tiny embers, he felt like his skin was on fire.

Kirk felt woozy from all of the blows and he just nodded. "Good," James purred, as he pushed Kirk's legs up and moved to his knees. "I could oil this up and make it easier on you, but I think a little pain is in order. This way, you'll know I'm serious." James pushed into Kirk in one even stroke.

Kirk wasn't a fool he relaxed every muscle in his body. He didn't want to tear. James would probably stick the fucking bottle of tequila up there, next.

He winced, as his body stretched and he gasped loudly. James grinned. He started to pull out of Kirk, slowly at first, all the way to the tip, then he rammed back into him, hard. Kirk's body jolted from the force of the thrust. He closed his eyes and felt the knife at his throat again. "Keep them open. I want to see your pain, then your lust and excitement as you come," James ordered.

"Sick, bastard," Kirk whispered. James slapped him again and he moaned clamping his muscles hard around James cock.

James moaned. "You love this, you slut. You love having my dick up your ass, fucking you hard, making you moan." Kirk shook his head, no. "Does Lars fuck you like this?" James moved faster. "Does he fill you and make you want to scream?" Kirk writhed beneath James and the singer finally dropped the knife to the bed. "No, he doesn't. You fuck him, you make love to him... but he doesn't give you the pain, he doesn't give you what you need, I know you." James taunted.

Kirk grabbed onto the ropes. He was having a hard time because, although he didn't want to admit it, all of James taunts and words were true. He hated himself for it, but it was all-true. Kirk needed more. He needed to he hurt, needed to be taken and Lars could never give that to him. It was his own fault he'd never asked for more with Lars. God, now his cock was aching, he was in such pain... such beautiful pain, but he didn't want to give in, didn't want to let go of his love and loyalty to Lars. No matter what, he didn't want to admit James was right, but he was losing.

James just increased his strokes. He reached down and grabbed Kirk's cock and moved his hand in time with his thrusts. Kirk couldn't take it anymore. He started moving his hips, pushing into James' hand.

James moaned and Kirk felt James move his hand to his own cock. If only he could hold out a little longer, maybe James would come and it would be all over with. He felt the singer grab his own cock tightly and squeeze. The fucker was stopping his own orgasm, until Kirk gave in. "Bastard," Kirk moaned.

"And you fucking love it." James started to pound into Kirk once again, moving faster and faster. "That cock ring stays, until you tell me you want it. Do you want it?"

Kirk shook his head. James leaned up, picked up his knife and drew the blade across Kirk's nipple. Blood flowed and James reached down and suckled. "Tell me."

"No... I... I can't..." Kirk was lost. It all felt so fucking good, so fucking hot. The sucking, the pain... his pain... fuck, he couldn't take it anymore. He had to come - he had to let James give him what he needed.

"Please... James, please...stop...no"

"Tell me what you want, Slut? Tell me!" James looked angry and Kirk could see fire in his eyes.

"No."

James suddenly exploded and started hitting him. The blows mixed in with his words. "Tell me!" Slap.

"No..."

"Tell me!" Another blow. "TELL ME!" Yet another one.

Kirk's body was on fire; the pain was too much for him. He needed this, had to have it. "Yes, God... yes! James, fuck me, please. I want you to take me. Make me come," Kirk cried.

James looked at him and cut him free from the ropes. "What about your lover, Lars?"

"I don't care. Please, just fuck me... he just doesn't matter. Please, I need you, want you... want the pain, please!" Kirk begged. James' thumb flicked against the cock ring and it came flying off. He rammed into Kirk, his orgasm pulsing through him. He screamed and clenched his muscles tightly as he came hard filling Kirk with his seed.

Then he reached down and grabbed Kirk's cock, jerking it roughly. "Come for me, baby," James ordered; Kirk came, screaming his name and splattering his chest with come. James bent down and licked the come and blood covered chest, then he kissed Kirk roughly and the guitarist eagerly returned the kiss, pulling James closer to him. Neither man realized they were being watched.

"What the fuck is going on here?"

James looked over at the door that joined his room with Kirk's. "Shit, Lars. What the fuck are you doing here?" James growled, but didn't move off of Kirk.

Lars totally ignored him and stumbled forward, looking out of it. "Is that what you want, Kirk? Is that what the fucking conversation was all about tonight, at the table? You want James? " he cried out.

"Fuck, no... Lars. I'm sorry," Kirk yelled, noticing the distressed look on the tiny Dane's face. "That's not what I meant. Please, let me explain, Lars, please?" Kirk tried to push James off of him, but James only pushed into him further, and he gasped and cried out from the pleasure and pain.

"Don't bother. You fuckers deserve each other," Lars cried, as he left the room, slamming the door.

"Fuck! fuck! Go after him, James," Kirk begged. "Don't let him leave like this."

"No, let the little fucker sulk. I'll deal with him in the morning. I just don't understand. What the fuck happened? He was supposed to be out of it for a few hours."

"He threw up in the bathroom at the restaurant. It probably pushed most of that crap out of his system." Kirk pushed against James again, he felt sick and wanted the singer out of him. He felt dirty and wanted James far away from him as soon as possible.

"Fuck! Just understand one thing, Kirk. You're to stay away from Lars. It's over between you and him and he's mine." James put his knife to Kirk's throat once more. "Understand?"

Kirk felt James getting hard again inside of him and tears came to his eyes as James started fucking him again. Kirk just nodded that he understood, tears streaming down his face. He just lay there beneath James and he felt numb, he couldn't or didn't want to move as James pounded away inside of him again. With any luck the singer would come quickly and leave him alone. Kirk cringed as James started whispering love you, over and over again, as he increased his strokes and finally came again...this time calling Lars' name. James passed out in a drunken stupor.

Kirk knew that James didn't realize it, but he'd had a lucky break when Lars walked in on them. He had succeeded in separating them. Kirk could always do without the sex but he'd just never forgive James, if this permanently damaged his friendship with Lars. He knew James had really messed things up and he only hoped he would have the chance to fix it. He had to find Lars, as soon as possible. He felt James stir back to life. James moaned and lifted himself up.

"One more thing. Don't leave this room tonight and go to him, or I'll hurt you both." James withdrew from Kirk, and the tiny man shuddered. He suddenly pulled Kirk up, off the bed and smacked him one more time, licking the fresh blood that now oozed from his nose, then he flung him down and left him lying on the bed, sobbing. "I'll be leaving the door open, so I'll know if you try to leave." James flung his knife into the main door and left it there as a reminder.

Kirk knew he wouldn't be moving for the rest of the night. All he could do was cry for everything that he knew he had lost tonight.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

James woke early, to a frantic pounding on his door. "James? James, open the fuck up," came Jason's panicked voice.

He got out of bed and pulled open his door. "What the fuck do you want so early in the friggen morning, dick?"

"What's all the fucking shouting in here?" Kirk asked, his voice sounding panicked and scared as he timidly peered around the doorway. He saw Jason and came into James room.

Jason just looked at him. He was bruised and his face was swollen. His lip was cut and there was blood and dried semen all across his chest. Kirk had been beaten and he was sure it was James' handy work. "Um, it's Lars. I found this note under my door, this morning."

James ripped the note from Jason's hand and started to read it.

"What's it say?" Kirk asked not daring to come any closer to the singer.

"It says he can't take it anymore. Don't bother looking for him and he wants nothing to do with any of us... as far as he's concerned, Metallica is finished... he's gone."

"Fuck, no! Shit! James, this is 'your' entire fault," Kirk cried. "We can't lose Lars. We have to do something."

"I warned you, James. Someone was bound to get hurt. You went too far." Jason turned to leave, disgusted with the singer.

Kirk grabbed him in a panic. "No, Jase. Come with me, to my room. I'll change and we can look for him together. Please?"

Jason could see the frightened look in Kirk' eyes. He nodded and pushed past James. "Is this your handy work?" he asked, pointing to Kirk.

James nodded.

"Fuck, James. You stupid dick. Are you ever gonna learn? Did Lars walk in on you two?" Jason looked to Kirk.

A real look of terror came across Kirk's face. "Come with me, Jase. I'll explain everything." Kirk said, pulling his arm. Jason followed Kirk into his room, locking the door behind them.

James sat down on his bed, staring at the letter for a long time. It happened again. He had tried not to get attached, tried not to become emotional - to fall in love - but it had happened and once again, he found himself alone. The only difference was, this time, he knew he deserved it.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chapter ~5~

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

28 days later...

James started packing his clothes, trying to finish, before Jason arrived. He was nervous and his palms were sweating,

There was a soft knock at his door. "Come in," James called, his voice cracking.

Jason walked into the room and smiled at James. "Well you did it, Het. It's time to come home."

"Time for new beginnings?" James asked. He was grateful that Jason had stood beside him through this entire process. It had been hard shutting himself up in here, but after talking with Kirk and Jason, they all agreed this was for the best. Besides, if he didn't, go they had threatened to find a way to commit him and he knew they were serious.

Jason grabbed James' bags. "Ready?"

James nodded. "Jase, before we go, I just want to thank you for standing by me and, well, I want you to know, I'm really sorry for everything I put you through."

Jason walked over to James and touched his cheek. "It's okay, Het. We're past all that."

James brightened. "Have you talked to Lars?"

Jason looked away. "Um... no, neither Kirk or I have."

James heart sank. "It's been over a month and no contact at all. I'm worried."

Jason put his arm around James and led him from the clinic. "Come on. Kirk's waiting at your place. He insisted on fixing it up for your homecoming."

James cringed at the thought of the pastels and flowers that would be all over his house. "Well... that's really nice of him," he said, trying to sound sincere.

"Don't worry, James, I didn't let him use too much lace." Jason and James both laughed as they made their way out to the car.

They drove back to his house in silence. It was good to finally be out of rehab and James actually found himself relaxing for the first time in weeks. The sky looked clear and blue and he was determined to set things right with his bandmates. They pulled into the driveway and James saw hundreds of balloons and a huge banner, saying 'Welcome home Het', on the front porch.

"I thought you said you didn't let him get out of hand?"

"I said no lace," Jason laughed, got out of the car and went to open the trunk.

James opened the door and smiled at Kirk. He was standing on the porch, waiting for them. He waved, unsure at how he would react to him. They had called and kept in touch while James was away, but Kirk had refused to visit him. James understood he had been a bastard to the small man and hoped he would accept the singer's apology. James was happy when Kirk waved back and walked toward him. He threw his arms around the singer and held him tight.

"Welcome home, James," Kirk said.

"Kirk...I'm..."

"James, you don't have to say it. I know," Kirk interrupted.

Jason unloaded one of the bags from the car and put it on the ground. He walked over to Kirk and put his arm around him. "Actually, he has to say it, babe. It's an important part of the healing process.

James looked at his two friends standing before him. He smiled at the way Jason had his arm around Kirk. "Um... he's right, Kirk, I want to say that I'm sorry for what I did to you, I hope that we can make things right between us all, again.

"It's in the past, James. I just want us to rebuild Metallica. I want the music to start again."

James nodded and smiled. "I want that too."

Kirk smiled and they heard the phone ring from inside. "I'll get it," Kirk offered. "You two, bring the bags inside."

Kirk ran into the house and James and Jason picked up the bags. "You two seem really close," James said tentatively. He didn't want to intrude.

"Actually, Kirk and I have been seeing one another for about three weeks. Things didn't work out with Kevin and, well; Kirk and I kind of found one another, thanks to you, in a way. He had some really, really bad nightmares for a while. I helped him get over losing Lars and the nightmares. I'm grateful, in an odd way, you kinda brought us together." James was really worried now. He hadn't known about the nightmares and he was worried whether or not Kirk could really forgive him.

When James and Jason came into the house, Kirk was on his cell phone, yelling into it. He looked upset.

"What's wrong?" Jason asked.

Kirk was pale. "We have to go, right now." Kirk hung up the cell phone. "I just talked to the pilot. They can have the plane ready in an half hour and it'll take us that long to get to the airport."

James started to get upset. "It's Lars isn't it? Something's wrong."

Kirk nodded. "That was NYU Medical Center, in New York. There's been an accident."

James paled. "Is he okay?" his heart was racing.

"They wouldn't tell me anything, other then we have to get there as soon as possible." James saw Kirk grab Jason's hand and squeeze. He knew right then, that it was worse then Kirk was letting on.

"Let's go," James said. The three men left James' house and headed for the airport.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

James had settled down into his seat. He watched, as Kirk sat next to Jason. Kirk whispered something to Jason, then started to cry. He watched as Jason put his arms around Kirk and held him tightly. James could feel his chest tighten and the tears well up in his eyes. He actually started to get up and head for the galley and a drink.

'Don't make this all for nothing, James.' He heard Lars' voice in his head.

Instead of getting up, he grasped the arms of the seat tightly and looked out of the window. The muted colors of the sky were beginning to fade into a darkness that seemed to swallow him. "Hold on, Lars. Please," he whispered.

James knew that hours had passed. He didn't really know how long Jason had been sitting next to him until he felt his hand on his arm. "How you holding out?"

"Okay I guess." James could feel himself becoming isolated again, pulling back away from his bandmates. James shifted holding back the emotions that were inside him. He held his tears in check. This was why he could never tell Lars how he felt. His worst fears were coming true. He always lost everything he loved, His mom, then dad. And now it was happening again.

"You need anything, Het? Some coffee?"

James shook his head. "Please let him be alright."

Kirk came over to where his lover and James were sitting and sat down, facing them. "We have to stay positive. We can't be thinking the worse."

"What if it's too late?" James said to them. James couldn't tell them that he was afraid he would never get the chance to tell Lars he loved him.

"He knows how you feel. Why do you think he put up with the pain? Even though he is so afraid of you, he still want's you. When Jase and I told him he was crazy, he stood up for you, He knew you would get help and get better," Kirk said.

"I hope you're man enough to stand up for him now," Jason said.

James looked up. "You've talked to him then? I thought you said you didn't."

Kirk looked at Jason then nodded. "Lars called us shortly after he arrived in New York. Told us he'd be spending a few weeks there; then he was going to go to the country and stay at a friend's place. He called Jason about a week ago, to let him know he was still all right and to check on you."

"He made me promise not to tell you we'd spoken or where he was. I agreed as long as he agreed to keep in touch. He did - said he needed time and not to worry about him."

The pilot's voice came over the speaker and told them to prepare for landing.

"I told him about Kirk and me, and he was very happy for us." Jason continued.

Kirk looked at James. "I made peace with him, James. I told him everything that happened that night." Kirk paused and looked out of the window of the plane. "Although he already had an idea, once he had a chance to think about things," Kirk added.

James was at a loss for words. He had no idea about the nightmares, and how rough it had been on Kirk. He was really glad that Jason had been there for Kirk and he was able to help him through it. It's funny now, he never really realized it before, but Jason had been there for all of them at one time or another. He looked at the man with a whole lot of respect.

"Kirk, I really am sorry for what I did. You didn't deserve being treated that way... Jase mentioned the nightmares..."

Kirk looked at Jason. "It's all forgotten, James. New beginnings...remember?"

James nodded and looked out of the window as the plane began its descent.

The three of them rode to the hospital by taxi in silence. When they finally arrived at the hospital, James saw the hoards of reporters waiting at the entrance. "Awww shit, the fuckerrrs. Always after a friggen story," he spat.

They pulled up and stopped at the door. Kirk grabbed James' hand. "We do this together. Ignore the assholes and let's get inside."

The reporters descended on the trio, as they piled out of the cab. "Mr. Hetfield, did Mr. Ulrich really try to kill himself?" One reporter asked as he stuck a microphone in James' face. The crowd had them almost pinned against the taxi.

"Outta my way, fucker," James growled.

"Is it true that you and he were a couple, Mr. Hammett?" yelled another.

Kirk grabbed James hand tighter. "Just let us get inside," he called out to the reporters.

"Okay! Back off everyone, I said now," A voice boomed from behind the reporters and a man walked toward James. "Mr. Hetfield, would you, Mr. Newsted and Mr. Hammett, follow me please?"

He pushed passed the reporters and guided the others into the hospital. Turning back to the assembled paparazzi, he said, ""Look, gentlemen; and I use that term loosely, there is nothing to be said now. When they decide to give a statement I will personally alert the press... so for now... back off."

The reporters backed off rather quickly and James found himself liking this man. He was dark haired, but reminded James a bit of Lars. He was a tiny powerhouse, just like the drummer and it looked like he didn't take crap from anyone, really handling the vultures well. The man came into the hallway and extended his hand. "I'm Paul Anderson, and I'm very pleased to meet you. Would you all follow me."

"Can we see, Lars? How is he? Where's his room?" James fired question after question.

Paul led them into an office. "I'm the head of public relations for the hospital and this is my office. Lars' Doctor, Jeffrey Green wants to see you privately before you go upstairs." He walked over to the phone and paged the doctor. "I want you to know, if there is anything you need while you're here, see me, then consider it done."

Kirk smiled. "Thank you. That's very kind of you."

"Actually it's part of my job, but it gives me real pleasure to help people, you know - make things easier for them. " Paul smiled. "Can I get you anything?"

Jason shook his head as the phone rang. Paul picked up the receiver and listened. "Thank you, Grace." He hung up the phone. "Dr Green will be here in five minutes. I'm gonna get you all some coffee. Oh, and tea for you, Mr. Hammett. Correct?"

Kirk nodded. Paul left his office and came back in with three cups, handing them to the guys.

James took his, got up and started to pace. He didn't notice the door open and the doctor entering the room. "Look, Mr. Anderson I need to see Lars; and I want to see him now," he demanded

"That's not going to be a problem. There are just a few things we need to talk about first," the doctor said.

The others stood and shook the Doctors hand, as he introduced himself. Paul left the room and everyone settled down into the chairs waiting for the Doctor to speak. "Mr. Ulrich was in a car accident. His car veered off the road and crashed into the tree. The police suspect that it could have been deliberate."

"Deliberate?" Kirk asked.

"They think he may have been trying to kill himself," the doctor clarified.

"No way! I spoke with Lars yesterday. He was fine, and he was going to spend a few days in the country at a friend's house," Kirk said.

"If he was on the way to the country, why was he brought here?" James asked.

"He was brought here by chopper. You see, we're the leading hospital on the East Coast, for brain trauma."

James rose from his chair. "Brain trauma?" The singer was in shock, he was hearing the doctor's words but was unable to process what it all meant right now. He looked over at his bandmates. Kirk was pale and was leaning his head against Jason's shoulder. Jason just looked distraught and rested his head against his hand for a minute, rubbing at his eyes, before starting to comfort Kirk, whispering muted words of comfort, as he rocked him gently. James could see he still cared deeply for Lars.

"Mr. Ulrich wasn't wearing a seat belt at the time. From eyewitness accounts, he was travelling extremely fast. It looked as if his car deliberately swerved and hit the tree. It happened with such force that his body was thrown from the car. There were massive internal injuries with a great deal of blood loss. The trauma is a direct result of his body's impact with the tree, I'm afraid.

Kirk stood up and walked toward the doctor. "His body hit the tree?" The doctor nodded.

"Is he...is he..." James knees grew weak and he couldn't even bring himself to ask the question.

"He's alive, Mr. Hetfield, but I'm sorry to say that he's in a coma and we don't hold out much hope for his recovery. Right now, we think the damage to the brain could be extensive, at this point, but there is too much swelling to be able to give you a better prognosis."

"Fuck...no," James yelled. He flung his cup into the wall and his fist followed, smashing his knuckles and smearing blood all over the paint.

"Nooo!" Kirk managed to cry out, before collapsing, Jason barely caught him before he fell, passed out cold. He lowered his lover gently onto the sofa.

Dr. Green called for Paul, who brought some smelling salts into the office. James watched as the doctor used them to revive Kirk, then turned and looked at James hand. James looked down. He had done a job on his knuckles and they were split and bleeding.

"I'll need to x-ray that."

James shook his head. "No, I want to see Lars, now!"

"Mr. Hetfield, he won't even know you're there. Please, let me look at this first."

"Fuck, I said no... Lars first. You can look at this later," James growled.

"He's right, Doctor. We all need to see Lars now," Jason added and Kirk nodded.

The Doctor was outnumbered. He led the men into Lars' room and left them alone, shutting the door behind him.

Lars looked so tiny in the hospital bed, tubes running down his throat, into his stomach. He was hooked up to a respirator and a heart monitor. The humming of the respirator and the beeping of the heart monitor sounded like an eerie musical symphony. Kirk gasped as they got closer.

James could see the Dane's arms, neck and face were badly cut and bruised, and his eyes swollen tightly shut. Large bandages encircled his head. IV tubes invaded his arms, while an oxygen mask covered his mouth. The Doctor had told them on the way to his room that Lars' left arm was broken, as well as his right ankle. His left leg had been broken in two places and his collarbone had been fractured.

James wasn't prepared for this. He fought hard to hold back the fear that was twisting his gut. This was his entire fault for loving Lars. The little Drummer was paying for his love in the worst way possible - with his life.

James stood by the bed, reached down and stroked Lars' arm lightly with his finger. Lars was warm and that gave James a little comfort. He felt Jason pull a chair up behind him and he absentmindedly sat down.

"Lars, we're here now," he said, finding his voice. "So get off your lazy ass and get up. Will ya?"

Kirk and Jason were standing on the other side of the bed. Kirk leaned down and softly stroked the side of Lars' face. "Yeah, Uli. Please. Please get up now." The tears flowed down his cheeks. Jason reached over and stroked his back; Kirk stood up and buried his head on Jason chest. "Jase, oh God. What are we gonna do?"

"I don't know, baby," Jason said, rocking Kirk slightly.

"We're gonna do whatever it takes. Fuck this shit. I want to see the doctor now. Jase get him for me," James commanded then he realized how he sounded and quickly added, "Please."

Jason nodded and left the room, returning a few minutes later with Doctor Green. "Are you going to let me look at that hand now, Mr. Hetfield?"

James gave the doctor his hand and winced, as he tried to open his fingers. "Doctor I want to know what's planned for Lars. I mean, what are you going to do to help his recovery along?"

"I'm going to need an x-ray on this. We need to go downstairs." The doctor looked up. "Right now, he'll stay in intensive care, then we'll move him to Kinsington for any rehabilitation that's necessary."

"Kinsington?" Jason asked,

"It's our permanent care facility. We send patients there for rehabilitation - if that's a possibility, or..."

"Lars 'is' going to recover, doctor. Anything else is not an option." James' look said he was not going to argue this point.

"James is right," Kirk added.

"Whatever we need to do, you just let us know, Doctor." Jason smiled and squeezed Kirk's arm.

The doctor smiled. "You know, I think if anyone can bring Lars out of this, it will be you three. Now come with me, so I can x-ray that hand." The doctor led James from the room.

He came back in an hour and a half later with a cast on his hand. Kirk and Jason were sitting on either side of Lars, talking about a new guitar that Kirk had just brought a few weeks ago.

James smiled, even though he really didn't feel happy. He was glad his two best friends were there, with him. They were all in this together and it felt right - the four of them - to be fighting this, as one.

Jason looked up and saw him standing in the doorway. "Broke it, huh?"

James held up his arm and smiled. Jason got up and let James take the seat next to the bed. "He looks so helpless. Doesn't he?"

"He may be helpless, James but he's not alone now. He's got all of us pulling for him." Jason put his hand on James' shoulder.

"What if that's not enough? What if Lars did try and kill himself? I mean if he doesn't want to fight to live..." James voice broke off.

"James, I know Lars. There's no way he was trying to kill himself. He was feeling better and he was excited that you were in rehab." James shot a look at Kirk. "I told him, he knew you were trying to get yourself together. He loved life, he wouldn't do this to you." Kirk insisted.

"I just wish I could be sure." James said, doubt in his voice.

"So what the fuck does that mean? You gonna give up on him?" Kirk lashed out.

"Never! I just need to be sure I didn't drive him to do this."

"Look you two. Right now, Lars needs everyone's support." A voice came from the doorway. The others looked over and saw Paul standing there. "It really doesn't matter who did what and who is responsible for this. You're all here now and if you all work together, things will be fine." He held out a slip of paper and handed it to James.

"What's this?"

"Lars, regained conscious for a few minutes before he slipped into the coma. One of the nurses took this message for you. He couldn't talk, but even with the pain of a broken arm he was able to scribble this." James looked at the paper. He folded it up, put it in his pocket and nodded.

Kirk walked over to James. "Hey, Het, we're the closed fist remember? You said that yourself. Hold on a little tighter now. I don't believe Lars was trying to kill himself. I think it was just an accident. Hold on to that, until you can ask him."

James looked at kirk and nodded, then he turned his attention to Paul. "Um...Paul. How come you know so much about us? You don't seem the metal type."

"James is right. You even knew I took tea, "Kirk added.

Paul smiled. "Okay, I'll let you in on my deep dark secret that would probably kill half of the hospital board. I'm a fan - have been ever since you first appeared at Radio City. I was visiting relatives who live in California; my cousin took me to the club. Been a fan ever since." He handed another paper to Jason. "There're your hotel reservations."

"I'm not leaving," James insisted.

"Well you 'all' can't stay in intensive care - hospital policy. When he's moved to a private room, then that will be different. So you can all take turns staying with him now. The hotel is only around the corner, on First Avenue. Less then five minutes away."

"Thank you, Paul you are really going out of your way for us," Jason said.

"Not really, I do it with all the cases I'm assigned to. It's going to be a rough time for all of you. I like making things easier. Like I said, it's my job. Oh, and the nurses don't make rounds for about another hour. So you can all stay until they come in." Paul quietly left the room.

They all stayed by Lars' bedside, talking to him, until the nurse came in an hour later; insisting that two of them must leave.

"You two, go back to the hotel I'm not leaving tonight."

"James, you'll eventually need to rest," Kirk insisted.

"I'll nap when I can. Right now, I just want to talk to Lars."

Jason took Kirk's hand and led him from the room. "We'll see you early in the morning, Het." James nodded.

James lay his head down next to Lars and closed his eyes for a bit. He was exhausted, scared and confused. No matter what the others said, he couldn't get the nagging thought out of his mind that Lars may have tried to kill himself, because of him. What if he was afraid that James was getting out and hadn't changed? He shook his head, reached into his pocket and pulled the paper out of it. He stared at the paper for a long time. It held two things - the letter J and a wobbly, childishly scrawled love-heart. He felt the tears welling up in his eyes. Paul was right. Lars didn't try and commit suicide. He wouldn't have left this for James, if he did.

"So, Uli? You trying to tell me something? You willing to fight?" James squeezed his hand. "You know I'm a fighter. We'll beat this together." He lowered his head again and lost his fight to stay awake as sleep claimed him.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chapter ~6~

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

James moved and, as feeling crept into his being, felt like his body had been hit by a truck. He slowly stretched and sat back into his chair. Several nurses were moving around the room checking on Lars' IV's and monitors. They smiled at him, but went about their business quickly and efficiently.

It had been three and a half months of living hell for all of them. They had gotten use to eating either take out or room service at the hotel. Hospital food was not an option as far as they were concerned. The nursing staff didn't complain about the pizza boxes and Chinese takeout cartons that were constantly in the private room anymore; especially since James had a few words with the nurse doing the complaining. The hospital and the hotel had become their life. For days on end, they didn't see the outside.

James didn't even spend much time at the hotel anymore. One day, Lars' heart had stopped three times. After that, James refused to leave. He slept on the couch, and lived totally on take out. After a week and a half, the only way he would leave to take a shower was if Kirk or Jason stayed until he returned. They took turns going back and forth with him so he wouldn't be alone. He'd always carry his beeper just in case. During all this time, not one of them complained or turned ill tempered. It was just something they had to do.

James looked over to the couch, at Jason and Kirk. Kirk was tucked tightly into Jason's arms. He was fast asleep and James thought he looked so beautiful.

"Morning, Het." Jason smiled.

James looked up at Jason. "Hey, he really is beautiful when he's asleep, isn't he?"

"I think I look pretty damn good when I'm awake, too!" Kirk giggled and cracked open one eye.

James smirked and Jason laughed and bent down and kissed Kirk's head. "Me Too, babe."

"It's nice to see you boys still have a sense of humor," Doctor Green said to them, as he entered the room. "Well, you know Lars has several tests scheduled for today."

"I know you want to disconnect him. I won't let you. I'll take him back to California first."

"Actually, James, his condition has improved enough that we want to see how his body will handle being off the respirator. This could be a good thing for Lars. If he's able to breathe on his own, his therapy will really begin. Most of his body has healed, now you three can take a more active part in his physical therapy. We have to get his muscles moving again."

"But he still hasn't woken up. I'm afraid of him being taken off the respirators," Kirk said. "What if he doesn't breathe on his own?"

"I think Lars has a guardian angel. I mean, frankly, he should have died in that accident. He survived this long; I'm sure things will turn out for the best.

"So, basically, this is a big turning point? What you're telling us is, they've done all they could, to heal his body and if he is able to breathe on his own, there might be a slim chance that he could wake up," Jason answered.

Doctor Green nodded. "Then let's look at this as a sign. If all goes well, perhaps you will be taking him back to California soon - under his own power." The doctor frowned. "Ah, and you can't be here for the tests." James looked alarmed. "But, since you are basically standing in for his family, you can be here when they remove the respirator. He has a MRI scheduled and a CAT Scan. This is going to take several hours. Go back to the hotel, shower and eat. I'll have Paul call you, when we're ready.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The three bandmates left the hospital through a side door. The press still deemed this a hot story and there was always someone camped out at the main entrance. It took them all of five minutes to walk to the hotel and take an elevator upstairs. Kirk and Jason entered James' adjoining suite.

"I'm gonna go grab a shower, Jase. Wanna join me?" Kirk's eyes twinkled.

"Sure, babe. Go on, I'll be right along." Kirk nodded and left the room. "You okay, James. You seem really quiet."

"Huh? Oh, sorry. I'm just thinking."

"You've been like a rock through all of this. Taking all those lessons for Lars' therapy. Taking over his therapy sessions, the last month, being in control. He'd be proud of you." Jason gently put his hand on James' leg and squeezed.

James nodded and watched Jason leave the room, how could he tell him he really wasn't in control? He couldn't help but feel slightly jealous that Jason was going to his lover, that Jason still had Kirk, that they were together and happy. He didn't begrudge them their happiness. He didn't want to, but he couldn't help how he felt. Right now, more then anything, he felt alone.

James walked into his bedroom as he peeled off his shirt and jeans, then he threw on a clean T-shirt and a pair of loose shorts. He went back into the main room of the suite James glanced up and looked in the direction of the wet bar. He walked over and took a bottle of whiskey down from the cabinet, along with a tall glass.

He made his way back over to the sofa and sat down; his long legs sprawled before him. He was tired and felt so alone. He opened the bottle and poured himself a drink.

He looked at that drink for a long time, turning the glass around and around in his hand. Holding it up to the light taking in its golden color, His hand began to shake. He wanted this - no - he 'needed' this drink, more than anything right now. He had been good, stayed away, been in control. But now, he was afraid. What if the tests turned out badly, or what if Lars didn't breathe on his own? He couldn't do it alone... he needed this one... just this one.

"Nooooooooo! Fuck, no!" James cried out, as he rose to his feet and threw the glass against the wall, followed by the bottle. He collapsed, to his knees as all the emotions came raging out of him. After a while, he felt strong arms around him, moving him to the couch.

He felt himself being cradled and rocked back and forth and the tightness and fear he held in his body for so long, melted, as he molded into the strong embrace. "It's okay, Het. It's all gonna be okay. I promise," came Jason's soothing voice.

"Fuck, Jase, you don't know what was I going to do?" James continued to shake, unable to control his emotions.

Jason stroked James' hair. "I do know and you didn't do it James. I was watching you from the door. I was worried and came back in to talk to you. I saw you go to the bar and watched... you 'didn't' give in. Your love for Lars means more than having that one drink, could ever mean."

"I just can't do this, Jase. It's like, if he doesn't wake up now, he may be lost to me forever. I've tried to be in control and be strong, but it's just too much I don't think I can handle it. What if I really haven't changed?"

"But you did change and you 'are' under control. If you couldn't handle all this, I would have been prying that bottle out of your hands by now. Give yourself a little credit. You're one of the strongest people I know. Once you put your mind to something, you do it. We all agreed to be there for Lars. You won't fail."

Jason continued to hold onto James until he relaxed a bit. He saw Kirk come into the room, smile then leave. The two men just sat like that for a while.

"You gonna be okay?"

James got up and switched the television on. "Gonna be fine. I'll just take a quick nap. You come and get me when you're through and we'll all go back to the hospital." James lay on the couch, put his arm across his eyes and soon drifted off to sleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jason went into the other room he could hear the shower running and smiled. Throwing his clothes on the bed, he quickly headed for the bathroom, knocking on the door. "Room service," he called out, cracking the door open and sticking his head into the steamy room.

Kirk giggled. "Um...exactly what kind of service are you delivering in the bathroom?"

Jason pulled the shower curtain aside and looked at his lover. "The kind of service that wants to ravish you."

"Well, as long as my boyfriend doesn't catch us that's fine with me." Kirk rolled his eyes.

Jason stepped into the shower, moving next to Kirk, the hot water running down their bodies. "You have a boyfriend?" He trailed his finger slowly down Kirk's chest. "...and he leaves you alone?" Kirk nodded. "Don't worry about him; he's not gonna be a problem," he said as he pulled Kirk closer and kissed him on the cheek, running his hand down Kirk's neck.

"But... he's the jealous type... really big." Kirk's eyes widened his hands moved out to his sides. "Big, and mean... and..." Jason kissed him again, this time on his lips. His tongue seeking entrance, Kirk moaned as Jason sucked and pulled at his tongue with his warm mouth and lips.

"Mean... and what?" he asked, in between sucks.

"Mean... and... and... I don't care... you kiss great. Just kiss me again." He pushed his body into Jason's, their cock's rubbing against each other.

Jason obliged and pulled his lover closer to him. He loved the feel of the warmth of the water as it flowed over their bodies. He never realized how erotic it felt, how the water seemed to become a part of him, heightening his senses. It made him shiver as Kirk ran his hand down his back gently, cupping his ass, pulling him closer.

"Want you, Jase," he managed to pant out between kisses.

Jason licked at Kirk's neck tracing his jaw line with his tongue, licking and sucking off the warm water. He abruptly stopped to suck at the side of his neck to mark him. Moving to his knees, he slowly traced a line down his lover's body until he reached his cock. He looked up at Kirk. His head was thrown back and he was leaning against the shower wall.

Jason slowly moved his tongue between his lips, licking the water from them. "Does your big, mean, boyfriend do this?" Jason's tongue flickered along the length of Kirk's cock stopping at the head to gently nip and mouth it.

"Uh uhhhhhh" Kirk's hips automatically thrust forward to try and add more pressure to the light caresses Jason's tongue was tracing all over his cock and tattoos.

Jason pushed his hips back, forcing his ass against the cold tiles. "No, don't move now. Let me do all the work."

"You're just as mean as he is," Kirk said. Jason sucked the head of Kirk's cock harder. Fuck!"

"Yeah, I'll get to that too." Jason teased, loving the note of frustration in Kirk's voice. "I'm gonna ram my cock into your tight, hot ass. First, I'm gonna make you come," Jason said, as he slowly slid his lips over Kirk's cock, swallowing him down as far as he could. Kirk moaned and bucked his hips forward. Setting up an even slow rhythm. Jason reached up and gently pulled on his balls.

Kirk's knees went weak for a second and Jason had to steady him. He looked up and Kirk reached forward, placing his hands on either side of his lover's head. He locked his eyes with him and, moving his hips back and forth, he was soon coming down Jason's throat.

Jason greedily swallowed it all, still looking into his lover's eyes. He stood up and kissed him. "I'm so lucky I found you," he whispered.

"I'm the lucky one," Kirk purred, as he turned around and pushed his ass into Jason, handing him a bar of soap. "Lucky I have someone to wash my back," he teased.

"You really know how to ruin the moment." Jason grabbed the soap and started rubbing it across his back, working it up into quite a lather. "This is just going to get covered with come. Why don't I finish soaping you up later?" He dropped the bar of soap. "Could you get that for me?"

"Very funny!" Kirk chided as he bent over for the soap.

Jason pushed Kirk forward a bit more. "I'm not kidding." He abruptly slid his cock into Kirk's tightness.

"Shit!" Kirk jolted a bit. "Warn a guy, will you?"

"You like it hard, babe," Jason grunted as he pushed forcefully into his lover. "I really need to fuck you hard."

Kirk pushed back and nodded. Jason knew he understood the need he had to claim his lover, to be sure that he was his - totally. Kirk pushed his hips back to meet the thrust as Jason started to pound into him. Most of their lovemaking had been like this since they had arrived in the city. Teasing, playful, then hard, pounding sex.

They both knew it was a release of tension for the both of them. Fuck, it felt so good, Jason was really into taking Kirk hard, marking him as his own. "You're so fucking tight, baby" Jason grasped Kirk around his slim hips, pulling the tattooed man closer to him. His fingers leaving red marks in Kirk's skin.

He could feel Kirk was hard again, his erection rubbing against his hand. Jason became more excited at the thought of them both coming together. He reached down and matched his strokes to Kirk's thrusting. Kirk whimpered and bucked as he started to come. "Fuck me! Fuck me," Kirk cried out.

Jason screwed his eye's shut as he felt his cock swell and his seed release deep inside Kirk. He leaned forward as his cock throbbed and Kirk's tight ass milked every drop out of him, biting down on Kirk's shoulder to soften his cry of release. Both men sank to the shower floor, Jason cradling Kirk tightly and protectively in his arms.

"Fuck me that was amazing," Kirk panted,

"You're amazing, babe." Jason kissed him. "You know, this is exactly what I needed."

Kirk pulled away from his lover. "Jase, don't get mad at me, but..."

"You're thinking about James, aren't you?" Jason interrupted.

Kirk nodded and looked up at his lover, touching his cheek. "It's just that I feel so bad for him. We have each other. The entire time, we've been comforting one another. He has no one there for him. I mean it has to be hard on him."

Jason wasn't sure he liked where this was headed. "What exactly are you saying, babe?"

Kirk sighed. "Just that if you wanted to... well, if you thought that your being with him would help. I wouldn't mind."

"You want me to fuck James?" Jason was surprised that Kirk would even suggest it.

"No, I want you to show him you care - give him some release. I really don't mind."

"Even after what he did to you?"

"I told you, that's behind us now. I don't hold that against him. If you don't want to, and say that it's okay, I'll do it. I just thought that because the two of you were close, it would be easier. He'd accept you without question."

Jason released his hold on Kirk and looked away from his lover. "I'm not sure about this." Jason was really confused he didn't want anything to ruin his relationship with Kirk.

Kirk gently raised Jason's chin to so they were looking at one another. "Look, one reason you and I have held together all this time, is because we have each other. The talking, caring, the loving and the sex... it's all been an outlet for us. I saw what happened with James and the liquor. I saw you comforting him. He 'needed' that. He needs us."

Jason made up his mind. Kirk was making a lot of sense, but there was only one way it would work. "I couldn't do that to you... not alone. It would have to be both of us together or not at all."

"Together?" Kirk pulled back, now he was the one who looked surprised. "Are you sure?"

"Why not, I'd rather it be that way. Then there is no jealousy involved, and it wouldn't be misunderstood as being something more."

Kirk nodded and he and Jason rinsed off, kissed each other deeply, and headed naked and dripping into the shared lounging area.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Fuck, it felt so good. He felt soft hands tug at his shorts and slip them down his hips. The soft lips licked and kissed down the length of his cock and he moaned thrusting forward as the warmth enveloped him. It was a dream...it had to be because then he felt another set of lips biting and sucking at his nipples, making them hard and tender. They moved up his neck and stopped paying special attention to that spot that drove him crazy near his ear. James moaned, as soft lips covered his and a tongue sought entrance. He accepted it returning the kiss with a need and desire he wasn't able to control.

His eye's shot open... fuck, it wasn't a dream. He looked into Jason's eyes. "Jase...what the fuck is...?" James stopped in mid sentence as he felt another mouth take the entire length of his cock down his throat. So good, it felt so fucking good. "Kirk? Oh God, what are you two doing?" Kirk had already slipped two moistened fingers into James and was working them back and forth.

James, head fell back, he was tired and still in a daze. He was one bloody raw nerve ending, totally on fire. His body reacting to the loving attention it was getting. He wanted this, needed it. He looked up at his friends again not really believing this was happening.

"Just lie back and enjoy it, James," came Jason's silky voice. "We want to do this for you. Please?"

James couldn't do anything else, he nodded and lay back on the couch spreading his legs and pushing his cock into Kirk's willing mouth. "Fuck yeah!" he moaned softly.

Jason had stopped kissing him and pulled him to the edge of the couch. He moved himself in between James' legs, leaned forward and whispered into his ear, "I'm gonna fuck you, while Kirk sucks you off."

James' throat went dry and he nodded. Kirk removed his fingers and shifted to the side, to allow Jason better access whilst he continued to suck and lick at James' cock. Jason positioned himself at James' ass and smoothly pushed inside of the singer.

James gasped, "Fuck, god. Fuck. Feels so good."

"Enjoy it, James," Jason purred as he set up a pounding rhythm. James pushed back to meet each thrust and whimpered as Kirk, once again, swallowed his cock. The suction was driving him to the edge as he moaned and came down Kirk's throat.

He shuddered as Kirk sucked him dry and licked his cock, playing with it a while longer. He moved up and started to suckle on James' nipples, turning each one into a hard peak. Kirk looked down at Jason pounding into James and smiled at him. He looked so horny. Turning his attention back to James, he kissed him, slipping his tongue into James' willing mouth.

James kissed Kirk and moaned, his back arching as Jason changed his angle of thrust and ran over his prostate. "Fuck, he moaned. He was already hard again and he whimpered as Kirk reached down and started to milk him, in time with Jason's thrusts. Both men soon came together, Jason collapsing onto James' chest. James couldn't believe they had both done this for him. It was really what he had needed, he felt like he wasn't alone anymore.

Kirk leaned over and kissed his lover, then rested his head on James' chest. The three men stayed there, tired and worn out, drifting into a satisfied sleep.

An hour passed, and then the phone rang, shocking all of them awake. James reached over and answered it, said, "We'll be right there." He put the receiver down. "Lars is back in his room. They're waiting for us. Get dressed and let's get going," he said.

Within fifteen minutes, they were all headed back to the hospital.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

They stood there, holding on to one another, more for mental, rather than physical, support and they watched silently as the doctors removed the respirator. James' heart jumped as Lars stopped breathing and they all held their breaths, waiting. Time seemed to stand still. James knew the doctors were working on Lars. He saw them moving but everything moved in slow motion. He could hear the clock pounding in his ears as the seconds ticked away. Too much time was passing. Then finally, they all leaped a bit, as they watched Lars lungs expand and fill with air on their own.

The doctor smiled. "He's doing it"

"So, this is good, right, Doc?" James asked. Jason and Kirk hugged tightly.

"Very good, actually. Lars test results were very promising indeed, James. His greatest chance for recovery will come within the next two to three weeks."

James smiled for the first time in over a month. "So what do we do now?"

"We have a lot of hope for these next few weeks, if Lars comes back to us, it's gonna be within that time." The doctor checked Lars IV. "Talk to him and continue his therapy, and maybe pray," Doctor Green said, as he left the room.

James went over to the bed, leaned down and kissed Lars lips. "Hmmm nice," he whispered into Lars' ear. "I've been wanting to do that for a long time, Uli." He rubbed his finger across his cheek.

Kirk came over and sat down on the edge of the bed. He picked up Lars leg and started moving his foot back and forth, like they had learned in therapy class. "Hey, Let's go, Jase you take the other." Jason moved quickly to the other side. "We may as well get started right away. We'll work on his body. You get his mind back to us, James." Kirk smiled.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

That's the way it went for the next two weeks. They all took turns talking, reading, massaging, and yelling at Lars. The small window of time that the doctors had, for Lars to come back to them, was beginning to close. James was feeling time slip away from them and it was getting hard to deal with again. He had the rest of the alcohol removed from his room. The last few days had been trying and he was going to stay in the hospital by Lars' side.

James was reading the entire sports page to Lars. The tiny Dane liked tennis, hockey, and was a huge soccer fan. Denmark had lost the world cup again, and he knew Lars would be pissed. James was getting desperate to do something that would get a reaction out of him.

Kirk got up from the couch and walked over toward Lars. He reached up and removed the crucifix that he always wore. He bent over and fastened it on Lars' neck. "I got this in Italy. It's from the Vatican. It's supposed to be blessed by the Pope himself."

James looked at the necklace and picked up the gold crucifix. "It's beautiful."

"I know you don't have a lot of faith, James; but sometimes, well, it's all we have to hang on to." Kirk kissed James on the cheek. "Jase and I are going to get something to eat. We'll bring you something back. Okay?"

James nodded and watched them leave. He sat there for a long time, holding the cross. "You know, Uli. This is getting so hard on all of us. We need to have you back. I 'need' to have you back. I can't take feeling so alone anymore. All I can do is think of you lying here and, when I sleep, I have these dreams that we're a band again, doing what we're supposed to be doing. I know this is my entire fault. If I wasn't such a bastard, you wouldn't be here like this."

James lowered his head lightly resting it on Lars' chest. "I'll never forgive myself for doing this to you. If I weren't so afraid of losing you in the first place, none of this would've happened. I need to tell you now, Lars. Tell you what I couldn't say before. Even if it means I have to lose you, I have to say it."

Feeling fear grip him, he held on tighter to the cross. "I love you, Lars, and I need you. I want us to be together, for you to be a part of my life." James moved a stray hair from Lars' face. "I'm not afraid anymore, but I need you. I need your strength and forgiveness; I've done so much to you, but I know I've always had your love. It just took me a long time to want to give it back. I just want you back with me."

James began to feel desperate. How long had he sat in this chair, reading to Lars, playing his guitar, singing to him - reading the fucking soccer scores out loud, for fuck sake. There had been nothing...nothing at all. He was starting to lose hope.

He was so tired. He rubbed his eyes and settled back in the chair, easing his aching back. If he never sat on another fucking plastic chair again, it would be soon. He was beginning to hate that chair. He let his head fall back and shut his eyes, wondering what the hell he could do to wake Lars up. He'd insulted him, even read fucking romantic poetry to him (much to Kirk's utter delight) and now, the only thing he hadn't tried was grabbing hold of the Dane and shaking the shit out of him. He smiled as he remembered the old tale of Sleeping Beauty. She had been awoken by a kiss.

He looked at Lars, his brows lowering. A kiss. He hadn't tried a kiss. He felt a little strange kissing those soft, unresponsive lips. But... it was worth a try. He stood up and bent over Lars, smoothing his hair out of his eyes, then leaned down and kissed him, at first gently, then harder, his tongue searching Lars' unused and dry mouth.

Lars lay there as if dead.

James broke the kiss, shut his eyes and rested his head on Lars' chest, hearing his heart beat, slow and steady. His own heart was beating faster. It had been two weeks since that time in the hotel with Jase and Kirk. He hadn't had release since and he was pretty sure his strange, exhausted thoughts and kissing Lars was having an adverse effect on him. He could feel his cock rising in his jeans.

"No!" he said aloud. "That's just too fucking sick." He paced several times back and forth in front of Lars' bed, glancing at the unresponsive man. Guilt rose in him. He shouldn't even think like that, but, unbidden, the thoughts rose again, matching the ache in his cock.

It might work.

James let out a groan of frustration. How could he even think of touching Lars sexually while he was helpless and in a coma? Wasn't that just like he'd done to him before? Wasn't that what he was trying to stop himself from doing, by going into rehab?

He stopped pacing and approached the bed, then looked at the door. After a moment staring at it, he walked over to it and deliberately locked it.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

They had been in the diner for about thirty minutes. The food wasn't great but people left them alone and right now they didn't want to be bothered. Kirk yawned, then took a bite of his veggie burger. "We're running out of time aren't we?" he said finally, looking at Jason who was half-heartedly munching on his own burger.

Jason looked up at his lover and nodded. "The doctors don't have any other tests planned. There's nothing more they can do."

"I hate to be the one to say this but, I'm just not holding out hope anymore." Kirk fought with a tide of sudden emotion. He hadn't wanted to be the first to say it, but he knew he'd have to. Jason reached across the table and took his hand, then squeezed it tightly. Kirk blinked rapidly and bit his lip, but the tears came, regardless. He sniffed and wiped his eyes, feeling stupid crying like this in front of Jason. But Jason seemed to understand. There was nothing but sadness in the dark blue eyes.

"I know, babe. It's hard trying to stay positive. Do you want to go back to San Francisco?"

Kirk glared up at Jason, his eyes aflame. " You know we can't do that. James needs us and I won't abandon him."

Jason rubbed Kirk's shoulder. "Okay, babe. Relax. I don't want to leave either, I'm just tired."

Kirk nodded and looked at his watch. "We better get back."

Jason stood up and threw some money on the table. "Let me just get the take out, we ordered."

Kirk grabbed Jason's hand. "So we stay then, no matter what?" He looked up into Jason's eyes, searching for doubt and not finding it.

Jason squeezed his fingers gently. "No matter what." He smiled and went to find the waitress.

Kirk went outside and waited for Jason, then the two of them walked silently back to the hospital.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

James carefully rearranged Lars' body, pulling the covers up and straightening them. He unlocked the door then went back to the bed, wondering if the nurses would find out what he'd done. He gazed down at the tiny Dane, who still lay there motionless. It hadn't worked, it was all for nothing, guilt was all that was left.

He was devastated. There was nothing left for him to try. As he tucked the sheet under Lars' arm, he burst into tears. All of his emotions, at what he had just done, the guilt, the pain at holding him close, whispering in his ear as he'd entered the man he loved, overwhelmed him. Tears fell from his eyes and he finally let everything loose. He cried for Lars, all that they lost and might never have.

He heard the door open and close. A nurse had heard his sobs and was checking everything was all right. He ignored her and she left quietly.

After a while, he grew exhausted by his outpouring of grief and collapsed onto the chair, moving it closer so he could rest his head on Lars as he often did.

He looked into that childish face for something, anything, but there was nothing; He laid his head back down on Lars' chest and listened to his heart beating. He had done that for the past two months. At first, he had been unable to really get any sleep, only falling into a dream world when exhaustion finally claimed him. Then, after a few weeks he began to listen to the rhythm of Lars' beating heart. It had calmed him and, after that, he was able to get some rest.

As he lay there once again, focusing on that deep steady beat, he swore that he could hear it beating faster. He shrugged it off as his imagination with the tears still flowing, he soon felt himself drifting off to sleep.

James began to dream that he was walking with Lars. They were getting ready to go on stage, just before a concert. Lars pulled James aside and gently pushed him against the wall.

"I love you, James," he whispered gently, moving his hand against James' face. James didn't want to wake up but something was strange. Something didn't feel right and he could hear that beating rhythm going faster and faster. He forced himself awake, and he felt fingers on the side of his face, stroking his cheek. He looked up at Lars. The Danes' eyes were open and tears were streaming down his cheeks.

"Lars, oh god, Lars!" James cried. "You've come back to me!" He grabbed Lars and pulled him close. He stopped hugging him and looked into the tiny man's face. Something was wrong. He could see fear and panic in his eyes. "Lars, I'm not gonna hurt you, I love you. Please, don't be frightened. I love you."

Lars was still crying he tried to move his head and was only able to shake it a little. "You're not afraid of me? What's wrong then?"

Lars struggled trying to move his lips to form words but all he could manage were a few sounds. "J......J....J..."

James could see the panic in Lars' eyes. It was as if he was trying to talk, but couldn't. "You can't talk. Can you?" Lars shook his head, the fright and alarm etched across his face. He started to cry harder. "Hold on. I'll get the doctor." James ran from the room and grabbed the first nurse he saw. "I need Doctor Green here now! Lars is awake!"

She nodded and ran off to page the doctor. James rushed back into the room. He sat on the bed next to Lars, holding his hand tightly. "Don't panic, the doctor's on his way. You've been like this for a while, so I'm sure things will be okay." He ran his hand down Lars' cheek "It's just gonna take a little time, that's all. Just a little time."

James moved aside as the Doctors made their way into Lars' room. As more and more rushed in to check on him, James felt overwhelmed and went outside for a minute. He was exhilarated that Lars was awake and, at the same time, scared out of his wits that he was unable to talk. He knew that this was his entire fault. If he didn't drive Lars away, none of this would have happened. He was leaning against the wall, looking lost, as Jason and Kirk came back toward the room.

"James, What's wrong?" Kirk sounded panicked as he ran forward.

"Is Lars alright?" Jason asked.

James wasn't able to speak; he nodded and finally composed himself, seeing the other two starting to panic at the look on his face. "Lars is awake... he's awake." Jason and Kirk both grabbed James and hugged him tightly. James pulled them both closer to him, really welcoming their embrace.

The doctors began to file out of Lars' room a few at a time. James could hear some of them making comments like 'Amazing', and 'too bad'. He was really upset now and wanted to get back inside to see what the fuck was going on.

Doctor Green came into the hall. "You can all come back in now."

Kirk and Jason ran past James and the doctor and went straight to Lars' bed. He was sitting up; he smiled when they came into the room.

"Uli! God, babe you're a sight for sore eyes," Kirk smiled and kissed him. "Can I hug him?"

The doctor laughed and nodded. "That's up to him, isn't it?"

Lars smiled and nodded. Kirk grabbed him and hugged him tightly.

"K...k..." Lars tried again and tears started to form in his eyes.

"What's wrong with him?" Jason said looking alarmed.

"We all need to talk. We've explained everything to, Lars. He said it was okay to tell all of you." The others sat down. James sat next to Lars and took his hand, holding onto it tightly. "It appears that Mr. Ulrich has had some neurological damage that we think may be from the accident. It looks as if the trauma has effected the part of the brain that controls speech."

"You're saying he's not be able to talk?" James asked.

"You're kidding right? Lars, not being able to talk is like the rest of us not being able to breathe," Kirk joked. Lars smiled at his friend's joke, but James could see it was a half-hearted smile at best.

"Right now there is no way to tell if the damage will be permanent. There's no scaring on the speech center, which is good and he is able to make some sounds. He'll need extensive therapy, by a specialist familiar with this kind of trauma. It'll take time to see exactly how much he recovers."

"Anything else, Doctor?" Jason asked.

The doctor looked at Lars and Lars nodded. "Yes, it also seems that his motor skills were also effected."

"Motor skills?" James knew they could all get past Lars not being able to talk, but of he was never able to play again, that might kill him. James knew the band was everything to him.

"Yes, his ability to write and grip things with his hands. His hands are very weak, but with training that will also improve. I really believe you are a very lucky man, Mr. Ulrich. Lucky to be alive; you've come back and with some hard work, will be able to gain most of your life back."

Lars nodded and tried to smile, but James could see he was forcing it. He looked tired and lost and James was really worried He couldn't see the fire and the spirit in Lars' eyes that was usually always present and that worried him.

"Doctor, once Lars is strong enough, we'd like to go home, get settled in and have his therapy done back in California," James said, looking at Lars. Lars nodded.

"Fine. We would like to do a few more tests, but, by the end of the week, you can all be on your way home. I'll also give you the name of someone who is top in his field for the therapy Mr. Ulrich will need." James thanked him and shook his hand, before the doctor left the room.

James walked over to the bed and sat beside Lars. "You know this is all going to work out right, babe?

Kirk nodded. "He right you know. We'll beat this together," Kirk said. Lars looked up at him and smiled.

"You don't have to worry, Lars. The worse is over. You've come back to us, we're not going to stop now." Jason added extending his hand, which was covered by Kirk's hand, then James'. Lars looked at his friends and slowly moved his hand to cover James'.

"The closed fist," James said softly. "Together again." James had to blink hard to keep the tears from flowing.

By Saturday they were all on their way back to California.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chapter ~7~

Note: Using * Indicates when Lars or the others use sign language.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~'

"Let's go, Kirk!" Jason yelled into the house. He had already started the Explorer and was waiting outside for ten minutes. They had both just returned from their vacation and Jason was impatient. He wanted to get over to James' place and see how Lars was doing.

"I'll be right there!" Kirk yelled from the dining room.

Jason threw his hands in the air and walked inside to see what was holding him up. "We're going to be late." He paused at the doorway, watching his lover hard at work carefully wrapping a package. He noticed Kirk's tongue thrust forcefully between his lips as if he was deep in thought. Jason had to stop himself from wanting to attack and devour that sensual tongue and mouth, knowing that would make them even later. He shifted his stance and gave Kirk a look.

Kirk glanced up at him and smirked, then saw Jason's lust filled look and smiled. "We're not going to be late. James didn't give me an arrival time. He just said to come on over. Besides I want this to be just right." Kirk started fiddling with some ribbon.

"What is it?" Jason asked. He picked up a bright pink bow and frowned. "Pink?"

Kirk snatched the bow from his hand. "Yes. Pink. I like pink, and it's a present for Lars."

Jason leaned forward and kissed Kirk on the cheek as he pressed into the kiss. "You're very thoughtful."

"Well, James said things haven't been going so well. I found this in the toy store and I think it'll help a bit." Kirk placed the ribbon on the package and started out of the room.

"You brought him a toy? I don't think Lars is gonna appreciate a toy."

Kirk grabbed Jason's hand. "Come on, we're gonna be late," he said, pulling the confused bassist behind him.

Jason sighed and threw his free hand into the air. "Didn't I just say we were going to be late? You told me they weren't expecting us at any specific time!"

Kirk giggled all the way to the car. He opened the back door and carefully lay the package on the seat. He hopped in the front and buckled up as Jason gave it the gas and they sped off down the road.

When he finally settled in Kirk answered Jason. "They aren't, I just like seeing you get all frustrated."

Jason rolled his eyes.

"And don't roll your eyes!" Kirk admonished.

"How do you do that?" Jason asked he hated that Kirk knew him so well.

Kirk shrugged. "Guess I know you really well."

"So, you talk to James today, about Lars?" Jason asked.

Kirk nodded. "He's gone through two therapists already. The latest one quit today. Shit, he's only been home three weeks. James said his temper is way out of hand."

"I was afraid of this. There is so much shit going on inside him and no way to get it out. You think James wants us to take over his physical therapy for a while?" Jason already knew what James wanted, but he needed to know how Kirk would feel about spending some serious time at James' place.

They had both just returned from a mini vacation, visiting the islands and then, Jason's parents; they took three weeks, just for themselves at Lars and James insistence. They felt rested and relaxed and the trip had been really good for them. He wanted to be sure they wanted to take on something as big as this, as a team again.

"It's possible. He said he had something important to ask us." Kirk looked up and pulled down the visor. He flipped up the vanity mirror and was trying to get something out of his eye. "Damn, that hurts." Jason pulled a tissue out of the console and handed it to him. "Thanks, babe." Kirk smiled and removed the offending lash from his eye.

"So?" Jason continued.

"So, you want to know how I feel about staying there and helping out?" Kirk sighed. "I'm all for it. Anything that will help Lars get better, I'll do." Kirk paused. "Besides, our bags are in the back. I figured we'd be staying over there if James asked."

Jason smiled. He knew Kirk would be the first one there for Lars. "Did James say when Dr. Fenton is gonna start?"

"Yeah, he's in London until the end of the month. Then he's coming back and he's agreed to take the case. He'll be working on Lars' speech therapy personally. Until then, it's up to us."

"Does Lars know he's a Psychiatrist as well?"

"I don't think James wants him to know."

"Well, other than losing the therapist, James said everything else was fine. So I'm sure it'll just be for a little while."

"I sure hope you're right." Jason said as they pulled up to James gate and he punched in the security code, then drove up the driveway.

"James gave you his security code?" Kirk asked.

"You're forgetting James and I were lovers for a while. I was over here all the time, night and day." Jason suddenly stopped speaking. He was glad for the darkness, because Kirk couldn't see his face turning bright red. He felt embarrassed at saying that so casually.

"Yeah, I remember," Kirk said softly, as he opened the door and started to get out of the car.

Jason grabbed his arm, stopping him. "I'm sorry. That was a shitty way for me to say it."

"It's okay. I just seem to put things behind me and - well - when it comes up like that, it hits me in the face so hard, it hurts."

Kirk opened the rear door and took the package off the back seat. Jason got out, walked around the car and looked at Kirk standing there. He looked lost and wounded, just like he had the night Jason found him crying in the rain - the night they had became lovers. Jason liked that look. It meant that Kirk needed him. More than anything, he liked being needed. He touched Kirk's chin lightly and raised his head so they were looking at one another. "You know that you mean everything to me. Don't you?"

Kirk nodded and they started to walk up the steps into the house. "Jase?"

"Hmm?" Jason stopped short of ringing the doorbell.

Kirk was the one looking into his eyes now. He could see he was looking for something. "Do you still love him?"

Jason's heart stopped. He knew Kirk would ask that sooner or later, but why did he have to ask it now?" "I'm with you. I love you."

"That's not what I asked. Do you still love him? I've never asked you anything about your time together but I have to know."

Jason shook his head and smiled. "No, I don't. I got over James long ago, when I first decided to go out with Kevin. I felt I deserved more than James could give me."

"And now that he's changed?" Kirk insisted.

"Now that he's changed..." Jason sighed. "James is with Lars, and I'm with you, I'm finally happy. Stop looking for trouble, Hammett!"

Kirk smiled and kissed Jason's cheek. "Let's go inside."

"Finally!" Jason said. He rang the bell, then tried the doorknob.

The door opened, so he stuck his head inside and started to yell for James, when a glass vase came flying at them. He saw James duck and managed to shut the door in time to ward off the offending projectile.

It went quiet. He cautiously stuck his head back inside the door and looked at James sitting there on the floor. "What the fuck was that?" He glanced up and saw Lars in the den sitting on the couch looking really pissed off. Jason could swear he had tears in his eyes.

"Hurricane Lars. Welcome to our humble home!" James growled. "That's the third vase the fucker broke this week."

Kirk pushed past Jason and walked into the den. He looked at Lars and shook his head. "Where's Greta?"

"She quit! The only housekeeper that would put up with 'me' for sixteen years and she quits in the span of three weeks with the Danish devil here!" Lars rolled his eyes, then smiled at Kirk. "Well he looks really happy to see you, Quirk!"

Kirk walked over to Lars and kissed him on the cheek. "Miss me, Uli?"

Lars smiled and nodded.

"I've got a present for you."

Lars' eyes got bigger as Kirk handed him the box. "Thhhh..."

Kirk grinned at his friend and grabbed his hand. "You want to say thanks, I know, Uli. Just open it. This is gonna help you."

James sat down on the couch next to Lars and watched his face glow as he slowly tried to open the box. James went to help him, but Kirk grabbed his hand. "James, I could really use a drink."

"Yeah, Het. Me too," Jason added. He moved around the couch and pulled James up. "I'll even help."

"I don't need any help, dick."

Jason pushed him into the kitchen. "No problem at all."

"He do that a lot?" Kirk asked Lars. "Trying to do things for you?"

Lars nodded as he continued to struggle with the box.

"Hey, how would you like it if Jase and I stayed around a bit? You know - keep you two company and maybe help with your therapy?"

Lars froze in his task and looked up at Kirk. He glanced at the kitchen door and a scared look clouded his eyes.

Kirk realized something wasn't quite right and put his arm around Lars to hug him. "I'm here for you, don't worry about your voice, it'll come back."

Lars shook his head.

"You aren't worried about your voice?"

Another shake and Lars looked toward the kitchen again.

"You're worried about James?"

A nod.

"Uli, he's changed - honest, he has. I wouldn't have left you alone with him if he didn't. Wait a minute. Did he do something to you while Jase and I were gone? Did he hurt you?"

Lars shook his head no.

Kirk let out his breath. "Good. Now finish opening this package, will ya?" He smiled and watched, unmoving, as Lars continued to work on the wrappings.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Okay so you wanted to talk?" James asked Jason, as he put the tea water on the stove and turned on the gas.

"Was I that obvious?" Jason had a lot of questions. He was worried about how well James was holding out through all this.

James smiled. "Yeah." He got out four cups and put them on the counter and started to make the tea.

"James, you can't keep doing things for him. He has to do it, himself."

"I know, I know...but it's so hard. I hate to see him struggle, but it's more then just that. There are some things I 'need' to do for him, but every time I come near him, he flinches." James looked embarrassed. "He's still afraid of me."

"You know, Kirk and I had a long time to get use to a kinder and gentler Hetfield. Give him some time. You can't expect changes overnight. It's only been a few weeks," Jason comforted.

"I think there is more to it than that. I can't put my finger on it and he won't tell me."

"It has to be hard on him, James. He seems to have his strength back though. That vase went flying."

"He's really strong. Thank god, his aim is crap; I just hate cleaning up all that fucking glass. It splinters everywhere. I miss Greta!" James sighed.

"I'll bet. So how is his therapy progressing? I know the last therapist quit."

The kettle boiled and James poured the tea. "Yeah. He can be a mean fucker, even when he can't talk." He got the milk and sugar and fixed the teas. "His co-ordination is still crap and he refuses to go anywhere near his kit. I had to replace the head of the bass drum. He's kicked it in twice."

"So you got him down, into your studio?" Jason said hopefully.

"Nah, had the kit set up in his bedroom. Thought it would make things easier for him and the therapist. It just seemed to make things worse."

"His bedroom? You mean you two aren't..."

"Sleeping together? No. Like I said, he flinches every time I get close to him." James sighed. "Can't say that I blame him though." James put the milk back into the refrigerator and placed the cups on a tray.

"Time. It's just gonna take time, Het."

James nodded. "Yeah, I suppose so. Um... I gave him the guest bedroom on the main floor and took the smaller room that's next to it. Just in case he needs anything I'm close enough to hear the bell I gave him."

"Sounds like you have everything well in hand, then."

"For the most part." James lifted the tray and started to walk into the living room. "Jase, I hate to ask this, but do you think you and Kirk would be willing to stay around till the new doctor comes to work with Lars? You know, lend a hand? You can have my room upstairs. It's really private and all."

"James... Kirk and I have already talked about it. We'd love to help out." Jason sipped his tea. He could see the look of relief on James' face. "Our bags are in the car."

James smiled again. "Great. I appreciate it and I'm sure Lars will feel much better with you two here to protect him from the big, bad Hetfield."

Jason put his arm around James. "Yeah, the big, bad Hetfield that makes tea and caters to his lover, hand and foot."

James darkened. "We ain't lovers, Jase. Just trying to be friends. I'd settle for that, right now. There's something wedged between us and I think it's more than just fear."

Jason nodded. "You have to give him time. Believe me, it'll work out in the end." He was worried about James. He didn't think he would revert to his old ways, but he couldn't be totally sure. Together, they walked back into the other room.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

James stopped short at the sight before him. Lars was sitting on the chair; one leg curled up under him, playing with some kind of board. Kirk was sitting close to him, showing him how it worked. He thought Lars looked so cute and innocent, like a small child playing with a toy.

"Having fun, you two?" he asked and put the tray on the table.

He couldn't help but notice that Lars jumped a bit and moved away from sitting so close to Kirk, then he smiled, nodded and held out the toy. It was a big, blue box with a silver surface. There was a thing that looked like a bright orange pen attached to the side, it had a white braided cord and a few other things, attached to the top.

"What's that?" Jason asked.

"It's called a Magic Writer," Kirk said. "I think it'll help us to communicate a little easier."

"It's a fucking toy. How will that help?" James was upset. He knew Kirk was trying to help, but deep down, he was annoyed that Kirk was the one who came up with the idea.

Lars rolled his eyes and picked up the pen. It took a while, but he finally held up the box. Written on it were the words: LIKE THIS ASSHOLE.

James smiled. Lars had a sparkle back in his eyes. "Fuck! That's a great idea, Kirk. I wonder why none of the professional dicks thought of it. We've been using the sign language, or paper and pen, when I can find one." He handed Kirk his tea.

"Well, I saw it in the toy store and thought it would be better then a pencil and paper. Plus it'll help with his co-ordination. Go on, Uli, erase it." Lars placed the board on his lap and moved his hand to a small lever, his trademark tongue protruding between his lips, deep in concentration. He drew the lever across the board and the letters disappeared. "That's so cool, Huh?" Kirk smiled.

"And we all know how Lars loses things like pens and shit. So, since the pen is connected, we all won't go crazy looking for one." Jason teased.

Lars gave Jason the middle finger and everyone in the room broke out laughing. They all sat around and talked for a while. Lars wrote his answers on the board, which really seemed to work well. James noticed that they all avoided the subject of music and the new album they were supposed to start recording in six months. But things finally started to feel like they were a group again. Finally, Lars started to yawn and James jumped up off of the couch, realizing too late, that he was smothering him with constant attention.

Lars held up his board, I'M FINE JAMES! The words written in bold capitals like James always did.

James laughed and stopped short. "How did you know?"

Lars pointed to himself.

"I," James said.

Then Lars pointed to his head. James looked confused. "Head?"

"Know," Kirk offered.

Lars nodded, then pointed to James.

"Me?" James said. Lars rolled his eyes and shook his head, smirking.

"I know 'you'," Jason finished for Lars.

JA! Lars wrote on his board.

James smiled and looked at the tiny Dane. "Well it's late and time for bed! So let's all get moving." He gave a mock snarl and handed Lars his cane, then stood behind him as they made his way into the bedroom.

Lars sat on the bed and started to take off his shirt.

"James, wanna show us upstairs?" Kirk yelled from the living room.

James turned to Lars. "Need anything else?"

Lars shook his head and winked at James as he settled back onto the pillows.

"Night then." James shut off the light and left the door slightly open, as he left the room.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

James was awoken from his sleep by an awful cry that sounded full of terror and fear. He jumped from his bed, his heart racing and went for his gun, thinking he was still in his room. Banging his toe on the nightstand, he finally realized where he was and headed out toward that awful sound. Fuck, it was coming from Lars' room.

He burst through the half-open door and switched the light on. Lars was thrashing about in the bed, the sheets twisted and knotted around his body. He was screaming and grunting. Sweat poured off of his body. James moved forward and grabbed him, trying to stop Lars from hurting himself. He held down the tiny drummer and spoke softly to him. "Lars... Lars, shhh it's all right. You're safe. It's okay."

Lars only started thrashing harder. James put his arms around him, pulled him into his lap and held on tight. He could feel Lars' heart racing, his body was plastered in sweat that quickly soaked through James' shorts. "Lars, it's me, James. Open you eyes. It's okay." He had calmed a bit but was still moaning and shaking. James reached down and spoke softly in his ear. "Lars, come on now, wake up, you're having a bad dream." He suddenly felt Lars' body stiffen and saw his eyes snap open. Lars tried to pull away but he was no match for the strong arms that held him.

James kept his words soft. "Please, Lars. It's all right. Calm down. You're okay... you're home and safe.

Lars looked around the room, his eyes confused. James could see that he was finally realizing where he really was. He grasped James' arm tightly and hung on for dear life. His chest heaved as he tried to draw in desperately needed air.

Just then, the door swung open and Jason and Kirk rushed in. "Is he okay?" Kirk asked. He sat on the bed beside them. Lars suddenly reached for him like a drowning man reaching for a life preserver and pulled Kirk to him. He suddenly stopped shaking and settled down into Kirk's arms. "Shh, Uli it's okay," Kirk whispered, stroking his head while rocking him back and forth.

James got up off the bed and walked over to Jason. He didn't like the fact that Lars calmed down so quickly once in Kirk's arms. It made him feel left out and alone again. Why couldn't Lars let 'him' in?

"What happened?" Jason asked him.

"Damned if I know. I heard this screaming and I came in. Couldn't calm him down for anything, even after he woke up, he was so frightened. You should have seen his eyes, Jase. It was really scary."

"Has this happened before?"

"It's the first time. Think we should call someone?" James asked.

"He's already asleep," Kirk whispered. He started to get up and Lars clung to him tighter, so he moved and settled back against the headboard. "Don't worry. I'll stay here with him tonight. He'll be okay."

"Do you think that's a good idea?" James felt uneasy at leaving Lars and Kirk together in bed, all night long. It was bad enough that Lars clung to him like this. James knew he should be the one comforting Lars, not Kirk. It took everything he had just to stay in control right now.

"Do you have another?" Kirk shot James a hard look. "I hope you aren't suggesting anything."

James looked away. When did the fucker get a backbone? "Nah! You take care of him. I'm going to bed." He turned and left the room heading back to his own bed.

"You gonna be okay?" Jason leaned down and kissed his lover.

"I'll be fine. I can't leave him like this. You didn't see his eyes, Jase. It was awful."

Jason nodded and put his hand on Kirk's shoulder. "Don't worry, It's okay." He pulled the covers up and covered both men. "I'll go talk to James."

"Thanks." Kirk kissed Jason on the cheek. "Night."

"Night babe." Jason turned off the light and closed the door.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

James heard it, but thought if he ignored the soft knocking on his door, it would go away. It didn't. The door opened and through one open eye, he saw Jason stick his head inside. "Got a minute, Het?"

James turned over and grunted. "I'm not going anywhere, and sleep seems to be out of the question." James stopped realizing he was being a prick. "Sorry Jase. What's on your mind?" He sat up, flicked on the light and waited for Jason to come in.

Jason walked in and sat down on the edge of the bed. "You know, he's really close with Kirk. That's why Kirk was able to calm him."

"Well, I'm grateful for Kirk's help. But how do you think it makes me feel when 'I' cant help him? I love him, Jase and he's terrified of me. Of course Kirk comes to the rescue." James' voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"There is nothing going on between them. He's terrified of what you use to be. He's caught up in the past right now and something is holding him there."

"Yeah, me." James said.

"You aren't like that anymore?"

"Aren't I?" He looked at Jason and pointed to his chest. "I wanted to punch Kirk's face in just now, because he could reach Lars and I couldn't."

"But you didn't. That's just the frustration coming through, that's all. Things will change. You'll see. I promise you, they will. We all need some time, Lars most of all. Don't give up now."

James ran his hand through his hair. "I'm not giving up. It's just hard feeling responsible all the time."

"Don't go there, James. You should be past all that blaming crap. So stop it."

"Lars isn't." James said softly.

"Lars isn't what?"

"Past blaming me. I'm sure that's part of the problem." James looked at the floor.

"Well that's what the psychiatrist is coming here to find out. We'll know then. Let's not speculate, okay?"

"I honestly don't know if he will help or not." James had had it with doctors. He was tired of all their mumbo jumbo.

"We'll know in three weeks. Don't you, at least, owe it to yourselves to find out?"

James nodded.

Jason clapped his hand down on James' shoulder. "I'm headed for bed. I still think I have a bit of jet lag."

James looked up and took a good look at the man who had become more then a good friend to him. "Thanks for being there -- for both of us, Jase."

"Wouldn't have it any other way." Jason smiled as he shut the door.

James turned off the light and settled down to try and sleep, but his mind raced for hours, reliving all the horrible things he had done to Lars, to Kirk and to Jason. Just before he drifted off, he wondered if he should have a talk with Dr. Fenton as well.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chapter ~8~

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Fuck!

Kirk had one hell of a headache and Jason was trying to wake him up by shaking the shit out of him. Either that or they were in the middle of a fucker of an earthquake. "Okay, okay... I'm up. You can stop rattling my brains." His lover was behind him and he was too tired to even turn over for a kiss.

The shaking grew more frantic and Kirk turned around, starting to yell. "Jase! I said you can fucking..." He stopped dead in the middle of his sentence. "Lars!" Oh shit! He'd forgotten where he was for a minute. The tiny Dane sat there looking frantic and kept glancing toward the door. "Lars, it's okay... relax. It's all right. Nothing happened."

Lars kept pointing to the door. "J....J..J...J..."

Kirk shook his head. "It's okay. James knows I'm here. I was here all night. You had a bad nightmare. Don't you remember?"

Lars shook his head no.

"Think, Uli. You were screaming and yelling. James came in and tried to calm you. When Jase and I came in, you grabbed for me and wouldn't let go." Lars had this blank look on his face. "Can you remember any of the dream?"

Tears filled Lars' eyes. Kirk watched as his breathing increased and he struggled to calm himself. Lars looked down and signed. *No,*

Kirk tilted his face upward. "I know you remember, Uli. When you're ready, you'll have to tell someone. I'll listen, okay?"

Lars nodded, then his stomach growled loudly.

"Hungry, babe?" Lars eyes widened. He smiled and nodded. Kirk couldn't help but notice how innocent he looked. He pulled him out of the bed. "Let's get you fed then."

Kirk gave Lars his cane and they made their way out to the kitchen. "We need to get some food into you, before your therapy session today." Kirk made a stop for the magic writer as they headed toward the kitchen. They could smell some wonderful aromas already coming from there. They looked at each other and shrugged. Kirk pushed open the door and both men stopped dead in their tracks at the sight before them. James was sitting at the table drinking coffee and eating a stack of pancakes, while Jason stood at the stove. He was covered in flour from head to toe and was singing happily to himself. The kitchen was a total mess; counters and half of the floor were covered with flour, empty bowls, pots and pans and several cracked eggs.

"Fuck, Jase, these are great, man!" James said in between bites.

Jason turned to say something and saw Kirk and Lars. "Hey! You two are finally up!"

Kirk sat down at the table and scratched at his head. "Fuck, what time is it?"

"Eleven." Jason poured some water into a cup that was already sitting on the table, t-bag at the ready and handed it to Kirk, then handed a large plate of pancakes to Lars. "Hungry?"

Lars nodded. James got up and poured him a cup of coffee. He handed it to the drummer. *Thank you,* Lars signed as he took the cup and took a large gulp.

"You're welcome." James said as he signed back to him.

"Great, these are mom's secret recipe." Jason said proudly.

"Does it come with instructions for cleaning up this mess?" Kirk groaned.

Jason rolled his eyes. "Don't worry, I'll clean it up," he said as he handed Kirk his plate.

Kirk piled on the syrup and took several bites. He smiled. "Good!"

"Don't worry, Kirk. I said I would take care of it." Jason started to sound pissy.

"No, I mean they're good! You mom would be proud."

Jason looked sheepish. "Oh, thanks." He sat down and started to eat, grabbing for the butter and syrup.

"So what's everyone up for, today?" James asked.

"Well, I thought we could get started on Lars' therapy as soon as possible." Jason suggested. "I noticed that you two are using a bit of the sign language we learned at the hospital."

James nodded. "It's been good for small things. Lars knows it better than I do. It's that photographic memory shit of his."

"Getting started right away sounds good to me," Kirk agreed, then looked at Lars. He had stopped eating and was staring at his plate.

James lightly touched his arm. "Is there a problem with that?"

Lars looked startled, then shook his head and started to eat again. Kirk didn't understand it, but Lars still looked terrified of James. It had been a while. He should have been able to see the difference in James by now. He didn't need to have a degree to see they both needed to face some things. Kirk made a mental note to make sure he talked to both of them separately. He had an idea, but had to Call Dr. Green in New York, then talk to Jase first.

They all finished breakfast and worked together in cleaning up the kitchen. Kirk turned and watched Lars playing with the magic writer. The little Dane was working very hard, looking very determined. He turned off the water and threw the dishtowel over the sink. "Whatcha doing, Uli?" he asked, as he walked over to take a look.

Lars covered the writer with his chest, and shook his head. * Nothing,* he signed.

"You don't want me to look?" Lars shook his head. Kirk grinned and pulled the writer out from under him. He looked at the toy in shock, and started to laugh. "Uli, you pervert!" Lars moved to try and get the box back from Kirk who blocked him easily.

"Let me see!" Jason chimed in.

An evil smile came over James face. "Me too!"

Kirk laughed and Lars sat down and threw his hands in the air. Kirk turned the board over. There was a picture of a naked woman with big tits on the surface. It was crudely drawn, but the tits were huge, all of the guys broke into laughter. "Damn, you like em big! Don't 'cha?" James laughed and grabbed the board from Kirk. Lars just gave them the finger, got up and walked into the den with his cane.

Kirk turned to Jason. "Want to get started?"

Jase nodded. "Sure. You coming, James?"

"Um...actually I was thinking of trying to do a bit of writing. If you two don't mind, I'll do the afternoon session."

"No problem. I'll try and get him to sit at his kit for a bit... do his massage, then Jase can toss him in the pool," Kirk offered.

"Hey, how come I get the pool?"

"Cause I packed your Speedo and I love seeing you in it. Oh I have to make a phone call first, keep Lars company till I finish?" Jason nodded and Kirk kissed him on the nose as he walked out after Lars.

"Speedo?!" James asked, giving Jason the strangest look. "You don't strike me as the Speedo type, Jase." He grinned.

Jason was a deep shade of red. "It was a gift. It's from our trip to the islands. How could I turn him down?"

James just laughed, throwing his arm around Jason. The both of them left the kitchen to get started on their work for the day.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

James had written for about three hours. He was tired and thirsty and came upstairs to get a drink. He decided to peek in on Lars and Kirk to see how things were going. On his way to Lars' room, he passed the patio doors and looked outside. Jason was in his Speedo, vacuuming out the pool. James almost choked on his water. He couldn't believe that Jase actually looked pretty good. Kirk did always have his shit together when it came to fashion.

He took a swig of his water and walked toward Lars' room. The door was open a bit and he looked in. He couldn't believe his eyes. Lars was sitting at his kit with drumsticks in hand. Kirk had his guitar across his lap and was playing a tune softly. Lars was actually trying to map out a beat.

"This is progress," James mumbled, then flinched as Lars missed the tom and flung the stick across the room. He watched as Kirk got up and retrieved it. His eyes caught Kirk's, just as he bent down for the stick and he put his finger to his lips. James could see that he understood and nodded.

Kirk walked back over to the kit. "Uli, I'm not gonna keep getting these for you."

Lars shrugged his shoulders.

Kirk turned and James saw the stern look on his face. "No fucking around. You have fifteen minutes left. Let's work." Kirk sat down and Lars picked up his other stick to start hitting the drum again. "You favor your right side a bit, Uli. Hit the cymbal a bit harder, okay?"

Lars nodded and continued to play, paying attention to what Kirk said. James watched in silence as the sweat beaded up on Lars' forehead. He seemed to be concentrating really hard, trying to co-ordinate the hits in time with the music Kirk was playing. He listened as Kirk went slowly at first, then increased the tempo gradually. Lars was able to keep up only to about mid way. But it was a start. Fuck, Lars wouldn't even touch the sticks for him.

James didn't realize it, but his hand was balled into a fist and he was hitting the side of his leg. He turned to leave, becoming more and more pissed off at the sight before him. He needed to go back downstairs and let off some steam. He turned abruptly and ran smack into Jason.

Jason peered over his shoulder and looked into the room. "Everything okay?"

"Everything's just fucking fine! Kirk looks almost finished, then Lars is all yours." James pushed past him and went into the basement.

Jason went to follow James downstairs, but felt a hand on his arm, stopping him. "Jase we need to talk. Got a sec?" He turned to find Kirk holding him.

"Sure, where's Lars?"

"Bathroom. Come on out by the pool. He'll join us as soon as he can. I have a few things I want to talk to you about first."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jason dutifully followed Kirk out to the pool. He sat down on the lounge and watched Kirk pace. He could tell his lover had come up with some kind of idea.

"You should tell me what your idea is, before Lars comes out here."

"Huh? Oh sorry, I'm just trying to think of the best way to convince you to go along with it."

Jason knew this meant trouble. He was gonna have to help whether he wanted to or not. He could see the determined look on his lover's face. "I'll do it."

"What?"

Jason stood up and put his arm around Kirk. "Whatever you want, I'll help."

"I want you to talk to James. I dunno... maybe take him riding or something. Get him away from here and see if he'll open up to you. We need to get him to agree to sit down and have a talk with Lars."

Jason shrugged. "No problem, I've already been doing that, but I think you're right. It's too tough for him around here."

"Agreed. They're either hiding something... or, in Lars case, I think he's repressing something that's keeping him from talking."

Jason's eyes shot open. "Just where did you get that idea?"

"I spoke with Dr Green and he called Dr. Fenton. I told them about Lars' nightmares and how they're both reacting to one another - James wanting to do everything for the little guy, and how Lars seems very skittish around James - like something happened. I asked him if James hurt him while we were away and he said no. So it has to be something we don't know about. If we can get them to talk, maybe it'll all come out. If it does, then maybe they can start the healing process."

Jason kissed Kirk, pulling him into a tight embrace. "You really are amazing. Do you know that?" Kirk blushed. "You look great when you blush like that."

"Thanks, babe. I just really care for them, and want things to be back to normal."

"Me too! So mountain biking it is. I'm sure I can get James to agree to take a ride in a few days. Shouldn't be a problem. We can stop by my place and pick up my bike."

"Just make sure he understands it's gonna be no holds barred... totally opening up, and getting everything out into the open. Okay?"

Jason saluted. "Gotcha chief!" Just then, he was interrupted by two hands reaching around the top of his bathing suite. He felt a sharp tug downward and then a cool breeze. "Hey! What the fuck?" Jase yelled and turned to see Lars giggling madly and pointing at his trunks. Jase tried not to look pissed. "They were a present from Kirk. Now get in the damn pool!"

Kirk laughed and walked toward the house. "Later you two. Have fun," he called over his shoulder.

Kirk walked inside and went to the fridge. He caught sight of James looking out of the window watching Jason and Lars in the pool. He walked up behind him and watched as they started splashing each other. Lars seemed happy and really trusting with Jase and soon they were deep within the therapy program.

"I couldn't even get him to get in the fucking pool with me."

Kirk put his hand on James' shoulder. "It's easier for him to relate to us now, James. That will change."

"Fuck this shit. I'm tired of waiting." James pulled his shoulder away from Kirk.

Kirk watched as he grabbed his jacket and keys. "Where are you going?"

"Out!" James growled.

"Do you think you should? Where are you going?"

James stopped short at the door and turned on Kirk. "You ain't my fucking wife, Quirk. Back off!"

"I just don't want you to do anything stupid."

Kirk watched as James shook his head. "You don't trust me either, now?" Before Kirk could say anything, James left, slamming the door shut behind him.

"Great, just great. Fucked that up really good, Hammett!" Kirk said to no one in particular as he walked back into the kitchen and put the kettle on to boil.

Kirk was deep in thought, about all that was happening, when he was suddenly pulled back to reality as he heard the teapot stop whistling. He turned to see Jason standing near the stove.

"Where's James? Lars wants him to come out to the pool for a bit." Jason said as he grabbed a peach from the fruit bowl, taking a large bite.

"Fuck." Kirk banged his head on the table. "He left bout a half hour ago. Saw you and Lars in the pool and lost it. I don't think we should wait a few days. Ask James to go riding tomorrow, when he gets back."

"Sure." Jase looked out the window. "Aw... crap, he's trying to get back in the pool, without me." Jase ran out the door and Kirk followed close behind. They didn't see Lars when they got to the edge of the patio so both dived in. When they came up for air. They saw Lars clinging onto a float for dear life. He was looking at them with a 'what-the-fuck' look in his eyes.

*Hey! What are you two doing?* Lars signed frantically.

"Sorry, we thought you were drowning," Kirk said.

Lars laughed. *Not that much of an invalid,* he signed. *Where is James?*

"He went to the store," Kirk lied and shrugged when Jason shot him an odd look.

* Something wrong? *

"No, he'll be back soon," Jason said. "I'm sure. So what do you want to do now?"

Lars pointed to the lounger. Jase pushed the float over to the steps and watched him get out of the pool and sit on the chair. Lars put on his dark sunglasses and lay back.

Jason turned to Kirk. "So, do you always swim with all of your clothes on?"

"Very funny Jase." Kirk leaned forward and kissed him. "Hmmmm... nice."

"I think I'm gonna go and shower. Wanna come?" Kirk pulled his lover toward the pool steps.

"Think we should leave him alone?"

"Not sure. Maybe we should ask him to join us?" Kirk teased.

"Very funny, Kirk." Jason's voice was not amused.

Kirk laughed and pulled Jason over to the lounger where Lars was sitting.

"Lars, Jase and I are gonna go and get cleaned up. Stay outta the pool. Okay?"

Lars nodded.

"Promise?"

Lars shook his head and made an annoyed motioned with his hand for them to go.

Jason and Kirk grabbed two towels and headed inside. "I feel awful about leaving him alone out there. Damn, if only James hadn't left," Kirk said.

"Don't worry babe. One more day and we'll get them to talk. Now let me get you outta these wet clothes, and fuck you till you scream." Jason pulled off Kirk's wet shirt.

"Smooth talker," Kirk said. He smiled and kissed his lover on the nose, as they both headed for the shower. Kirk went into the bathroom and turned on the warm water.

"Hey, not too hot!" Jason yelled from the bedroom as he grabbed his shampoo from his bag.

"I like it hot," Kirk purred as he slipped his arms around Jason's waist, pulling him closer. Jason growled, causing Kirk to smile. He loved it when his lover got all-animalistic. Kirk pulled him into the shower, and watched Jason poured the shower gel onto the scrubby.

"Turn around," Jason said and smiled as he realized that Kirk was staring at him with an odd look on his face. "What?"

Kirk ran his hand down the side of Jason's cheek. "You're beautiful, you know that?"

Jason blushed. "You're the beautiful one, but I guess I look okay, when I'm not being 'intense'."

"Is that what you call it when you make all those odd faces? Being intense? " Kirk tried not to giggle, but failed.

Jason swatted his ass. "I said turn around so I can do your back."

"Hmmm," Kirk purred as he turned around. "Do me baby, do me," he joked as he turned and closed his eyes letting the hot water caress him. Kirk leaned his hands against the wall of the shower as his lover began to work the scrubby down his back and across the cheeks of his ass, lingering and rubbing hard enough to turn them a bright red. Kirk moaned. "Fuck, that feels nice," he said as Jason ran his finger in between the cheeks of his ass.

Kirk gasped as Jason inserted that finger into him slowly and teasingly. "Feel good baby," Jason whispered into Kirk's ear.

Kirk swallowed and nodded. "Yes, Jase -- good"

Jason inserted another finger. "Better, baby?"

He nodded. "Want you," Kirk gasped.

Jason slid his arm around Kirk's waist and turned him around running the soap all over his chest. Paying special attention to the nipples, which were hard and responsive to the rough feel of the scrubby. "Soon...soon." Jason dropped the cleaner and ran his soapy hands all over Kirk's chest. Moving down his legs he fell to his knees and slid the head of his lover's cock between his lips.

"Fuck," Kirk yelped and pushed his cock further into Jason's warm mouth. He knew that Jason loved to suck him off before fucking him into oblivion. Kirk smiled as he felt Jason's two fingers exploring his ass, then finally entering him. He pushed forward again and bent his knees slightly to give Jason better access. Kirk was rewarded with a jolt of pleasure as Jason's fingers brushed over his pleasure center.

Jason was really good at this and Kirk soon felt the pressure rising in his balls as he moved in and out of his lover's mouth. He came hard, yelling Jason's name as his come was eagerly swallowed by his lover.

He gasped as Jason left his cock and rose up to kiss him. "My turn," Jason whispered into the kiss. Kirk nodded and turned, bracing himself against the wall.

Jason pushed Kirk forward slightly and entered him in one smooth movement. "God, so tight, You are so fucking tight, baby."

Kirk moaned as his lover's hard cock filled him. Damn, he was amazed that Jason could always make him feel this way, always so complete. Kirk felt himself getting hard again as Jason thrust deep inside of him, increasing his speed as he started to come. Kirk felt Jason's fingers grip him extra hard, bruising his hips and could hear the sound of flesh against flesh as the strokes became harder and harder.

"Fuck, yes Jase fuck me!" Kirk yelped and as he felt his lover's seed fill him. His knees buckled slightly as he came again, his seed splattering against the shower wall.

Jason held onto Kirk for dear life, shaking uncontrollably, until Kirk felt Jason's orgasm pass. Then he gasped as he felt his lover's cock gently withdraw from deep within him. Kirk turned to him and kissed him. Biting and nipping at his lips.

"Wow," Kirk smiled.

"Yeah, wow," Jason agreed.

"That was nice, but we better finish and get back downstairs, before James gets back."

"Well," Jason said as he kissed Kirk again. "Um..." Jason started to speak, but was interrupted as Kirk giggled. Jason kissed him again. "I think Uli is just fine and I really want to..." Jason's words trailed off as Kirk returned the kiss.

"You want to stay here and do this again?" Kirk said and raised a questioning eyebrow.

Jason nodded. "But I'd like to make love to you in the 'bed' this time. Showers are great and all, but I want to feel you 'ride' me, really hard."

He didn't have to think twice. "I'll get the towels," Kirk said as he leaped out of the shower. Damn, sometimes his lover really surprised him. As he grabbed two big towels from the closet, handing one to Jason, Kirk smiled to himself, finally realizing exactly how happy he was.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Lars had just dozed off and he felt a shadow blocking the sun from his body. He shivered. He had been dreaming about being locked in a dark room again. The darkness surrounding him... pulling him down... deeper and deeper. He could smell the chemicals, the developer and the fixer. He was whimpering and he jumped, totally startled as two strong hands shook him from his sleep.

"Lars, wake up. You're okay," the voice whispered reassuringly.

Lars sat up, his sunglasses falling from his face. He was blinded by the sunlight, but knew the form in front of him was familiar. He grabbed onto it and held on for dear life. His heart was racing, and he felt kind of queasy.

The strong arms enveloped him and he felt safe and protected. He melted into them and started to relax.

"Are you okay now?" It was a soft question and non-threatening, but it made Lars sit up and push away from the man who was comforting him. At first, the arms seemed reluctant to let him go, but they finally gave way to his pushing.

He nodded and looked into his savior's eyes.

"I hope I didn't frighten you again," James said.

Lars could tell James eye's looked sad at his reaction, he didn't want to hurt him, again. *No, * he signed.

"Good." James smiled, and Lars' heart melted a bit. "Where are the others?"

Lars pointed toward the house.

"They left you alone out here?" James sounded pissed.

*I'm not a baby. * Lars rolled his eyes. *Besides, they were wet. * He smiled.

"Wet?"

Lars grinned. He wasn't about to give James any more information. He pulled James hand and signed. *Hungry. *

"You're always hungry! How the fuck can one little guy eat so much?" Lars shrugged and grinned. "Okay, let's go inside. I'll start dinner."

Lars followed James into the house, slowly pulling on his T-shirt. He sat down at the kitchen table and banged on it to get James attention. This time the Dane was determined to help James tonight, whether he liked it or not. *Help, * he signed.

James looked around. "Yeah, sure. How about peeling some potatoes?"

He nodded as James handed him the potatoes and the peeler. He was surprised he didn't get an argument, so he got right to work on them, his tongue sticking out of his mouth and the concentration etched across his face.

Lars had finished four of them and felt like he was being watched. He looked up and James was smiling at him. "You're doing great Lars." James filled a pot with water and sat it down on the table. He cut up the ones that Lars had finished and plopped the pieces into the pot.

James went back to preparing the steaks, salad and eggplant parmesan, while Lars finished with the potatoes. They had finished with everything and he was just starting to set the table, when the other two joined them.

Kirk ran his had across Lars' back. "Did you help with dinner?"

Lars nodded.

"Great job, Lars." Jason said.

Lars looked up to thank him and saw the look that exchanged between Kirk and Jason. He could tell they were up to something.

"James, are you busy tomorrow afternoon?" Jason continued. Lars shot a look at James.

"Ah.... nope. Gonna write in the morning, a bit. Nothing going on after that." James started putting the food on the table.

"How about taking a ride on one of the trails at the point?"

James stopped and smiled. "Damn, I haven't gotten any dirt under the rim in a fucking while. I think I'd like that."

"Great! We can stop by my place so I can pick up my wheels."

"Fuck, sounds great, as a matter of fact, fuck writing, let's go early. We can work on the bikes a bit, then hit the trails. I'd love to do dead mans run again."

Lars watched as Jason went pale. "Um, James do you think we can work up to that. I almost killed myself last time out."

James laughed. "Sure, puss. We can start out easy if you want."

"Thanks, I'd appreciate that." Jason rolled his eyes and said a silent thank you to Kirk.

Everyone sat down and they all talked for a bit before James set out the dinner. Lars sat back as they all finished dinner and watched them clean the table. He was glad that they didn't expect him to help with that. He liked it when they waited on him a bit. He knew it wouldn't last forever. He closed his eyes, leaned back in the chair and smiled.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Kirk asked.

Lars jumped, smiled and nodded. He held his fingers together to indicate a little.

"Bullshit, you're loving being waited on, a lot." Kirk smiled.

Lars looked around the room and noticed they were alone. *Where did they go? *

"Went out to the garage to look over James' bike for tomorrows ride."

Lars started getting upset. He tried to hide it, but it started to show.

"What's wrong, Uli?"

Lars took the magic writer and started writing on it. He turned it over and showed Kirk. 'What are u 2 up 2?'

Kirk flushed guilty. "Us? Who? Um...you mean Jase and me?"

Lars nodded.

"Well, nothing really. Jase is gonna talk to James about all of us sitting down together and talking."

* No,* Lars slammed down the writer.

"Why not?"

Fuck. Lars didn't want to talk to James, didn't want to talk to anyone. He fucking couldn't talk and that was part of the problem. 'Can't talk, can I?' he wrote on the magic writer, then threw it on the table.

"Look we're all communicating one way or the other. I don't wanna hear any bullshit. It's gonna be a 'say anything you want' kind of deal. We all need to get things off our chests. I think it will help us to heal."

* No,*

"It's not a choice. You have to do this."

*You're giving James the choice. Jase is asking him,* Lars signed.

"Okay, I'll be fair, if you promise not to say no right now. Think about it. We can talk in a couple of days."

Lars nodded. * Kirk,* he signed.

"Yes?"

*Have James and Jason gotten closer?*

"We've all gotten much closer, Lars. James has really changed. I know he has. You trust me, don't you?"

Lars knew he trusted Kirk, but he just couldn't be sure of James -- not yet, but he nodded.

"I'm telling you. Put your faith in him. You haven't seen him take a drink. Have you?"

Lars shook his head, no. Something was still bothering him and it wasn't only the dreams. He really couldn't put his finger on it. James had seemed to change, but it also looked like Jase and he were too close. Deep down, he was sure there was something more between them that Kirk wasn't aware of. He was too eager to get James alone on the trail and he had noticed that they always were touching and doing things together. Like making breakfast and dinner together, and working on James hot rod, the other day.

"There's nothing going on between them, Lars. If that's what you're thinking." Kirk said sternly. "So, stop letting your imagination get the better of you."

Lars looked at Kirk, stood up and nodded. *I'm tired,* he signed then headed off toward the bedroom. Kirk following close behind.

"I'll tuck you in, Uli," he said and whacked Lars on the ass.

Lars smiled and walked into his room. He stopped and turned, kissing Kirk softly on the lips. * Thank you for being there for me,* he signed, then shut the door.

Kirk stood there for a while, his mouth open in shock. He touched his lips and headed off upstairs to his own room to wait for Jason. He really needed to get some sleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chapter ~9~

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"You sure you don't mind pulling double duty today Kirk?" James asked, as he sorted through his duffel bag. "I did promise to do Lars' therapy today."

"Nah! Not a problem... we're gonna pace ourselves today - do a bit of walking. Some weight training or maybe take a dip in the pool, then make dinner for when you two get back."

"Sounds like a full day babe." Jason kissed him on the lips.

"Yeah, It'll be good to keep him busy."

"Shit!" James looked in his bag like something was missing.

"What?" Kirk and Jason chorused.

"Helmet."

"It's in the garage, James, on the hook next to your fishing rods," Jason offered.

James smiled. "Ah... yeah thanks."

Kirk looked up and saw Lars standing quietly at the door to his room. "Hey! You're up. I've got breakfast ready for you."

*Thanks*

*You're welcome,* Kirk signed.

"Damn forgot the water bottles. They're in the kitchen. Back in a sec." Jason gave Lars a hug as he walked past him and into the kitchen.

Lars waved to James. *Have fun,* he signed.

James smiled. "Thanks. We will. I hope the wuss can keep up."

"I heard that, Het. Don't worry about me. I'm a lean, mean cycling machine," Jason yelled from the kitchen.

"Yeah right!" Kirk snorted.

Jase pulled his lover into a kiss. "I keep you happy don't I?"

"That goes without saying." Kirk grinned evilly.

"Okay you two, knock it off. I wanna get going before it gets dark," James growled.

Lars followed them as they headed out the door. James threw his bike in the back of the truck and hooked it up to a rack. Kirk and Jason were standing arm and arm whispering to each other. Lars heart sank. Right now, he had no one and it was getting very lonely. He wanted to be able to reach out to James, but he just couldn't. He smiled at Kirk as he came back on the porch and they watched James and Jason pull away.

"Ready to eat?" Kirk said, as he headed inside.

*Can we do something different today? * Lars signed.

"Don't feel like playing today?"

Lars shook his head no.

"No problem. I have a few things planned. Now let's eat."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

They made quick work of breakfast. Kirk decided to do some weight training with Lars, then they took a nice cooling swim in the pool. Several hours later, they found themselves walking on a trail that wound behind James' house. Kirk had found a walking stick that James had in the garage and they made off down the path. It was pretty flat and easy enough for Lars to walk on.

They had been on the trail for about an hour so stopped to rest and have some water. They both sat down on a large rock near a shady tree. Lars leaned back and closed his eyes. The two friends had been very quiet. Lars really missed talking to Kirk. They were doing okay, but Kirk always made him laugh and smile. He felt like they weren't as close as they use to be and Lars missed that.

He reached over and slapped Kirk's arm. *Did you have a good trip with Jase?*

Kirk smiled and Lars thought he really looked beautiful. "Fuck yeah. I was really nervous about how his parents would take to us being together. They were okay with it. You know how close Jase and his dad are. They already knew about his preferences." Lars noticed his look changed to a sad one. "Of course his brother isn't talking to either one of us, ever again."

*It'll be okay. Takes time,* Lars signed then yawned.

"I know. You tired Uli? Wanna head back?"

Lars nodded. *Nap.*

"Sure, you have time for a nap. I'll read for a bit, then we can start dinner. The guys should be back soon. Sound good?"

Lars nodded again and smiled as Kirk wrapped his arm around him. Kirk giggled as Lars tickled him and they walked the rest of the way home like that. Once they got back, Lars took a quick shower, then he pulled on his shorts and collapsed onto the bed.

"I'm gonna go upstairs and rinse off, babe, then read for a bit. Need anything?"

Lars waved his hand at Kirk and shook his head, too exhausted to do anything more. Kirk shut the door and Lars fell into a deep sleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Kirk had showered and changed, settling on a pair of shorts. He planned to go out to the pool and settle in on one of the loungers. He would open the patio doors that led to Lars' bedroom so he could hear him. He slowly opened the bedroom door and heard Lars crying out and saw him tossing and pulling at the sheets.

"Aw...fuck!" Kirk sat down on Lars' bed and started shaking him gently.

"Uli, wake up, babe. It's me, Kirk. You're dreaming again. Wake up!"

Lars just continued to fight in his sleep. Finally the words Kirk was saying sank into his head and he sat up with a start. Once again, his heart was racing, he was sweating, his breathing heavy and short.

Lars looked up into Kirk's eyes and knew he couldn't stop himself. He leaned forward and kissed him, pulling him close.

"Mmmm... don't" Kirk mumbled into the kiss, but soon Lars felt his lips give way, giving him full access. He relished the taste as he kissed him deeper, pulling Kirk closer to him, as if the kiss was giving him life itself.

Kirk still pushed away from him, but at the same time, he kept responding to the kiss. Lars could feel his indecision, but he didn't stop. In fact he just kissed Kirk harder and moved down from his lips to bite and lick at his neck.

"No, Lars, you have to stop this. You love James. I love Jase. We're over," Kirk pleaded and Lars finally pulled back.

*You know... I love James. *

"Yes, Uli, I know. Then why this?" Kirk's eyes held tears, but Lars didn't care. He needed Kirk and he needed him now.

*I need this. Need you. Please? This one time, need someone to hold me... love me* Lars' movements were frantic, his breath ragged. His heart raced and his chest heaved. How could he make Kirk understand? He didn't want to mess things up for him, but he needed his love now.

"James loves you," Kirk repeated, and Lars started to cry.

*James hurts me. Need you -- please don't make me beg. * Lars needed someone now, and he wasn't ready for James. He was on the edge of feeling totally lost and alone. He hoped Kirk wouldn't leave him there.

Kirk nodded and leaned down to softly kiss Lars on the lips. Lars moaned and Kirk nipped at his lips and cheek, kissing away the tears. "I'll always be here for you, Uli," he whispered.

Kirk moved slowly down the tiny drummer's body, softly kissing and licking down his chest. Moving to the erection he could feel pulsing under the flimsy shorts Lars always wore, he squeezed gently, then he tugged at Lars' shorts. Lars' entire body was tingling and he arched his hips up, so Kirk could remove them easily.

Lars shivered as the silky material caressed his hard on and teased at the hair on his legs. Kirk continued downward and licked at the tip of Lars' cock. Again, tiny electrical sparks flew through his body and he felt like he was going to explode.

He pushed his hips forward and Kirk giggled and pushed them down. "Be patient, baby," he purred. His hot breath was soft against the sensitive flesh. He looked up as he felt a tug on his arm. * Please,* Lars signed.

Kirk smiled and started licking at Lars' cock. He ran his tongue along the sides and sucked and licked at his balls. Lars knew he wasn't going to last very long. It had been too long since anyone had done this to him. He was ready to explode.

It was as if Kirk could sense his feelings. He ran his tongue up him one more time and then lowered his warm mouth onto Lars' cock. Lars' hips bucked forward as Kirk took the entire length and started a steady rhythm. He held on to Kirk's hair and moved his hips, back and forth moaning, as he came and Kirk swallowed him greedily.

Lars held onto Kirk, forever moving his hips. He finally opened his eyes and pulled his lover up to him, kissing him deeply. They parted and Lars looked into Kirk's eyes for a very long time, then nodded.

Kirk turned Lars over on his side and went into the bathroom. He quickly found some lube and spooned himself behind Lars. "You sure, Uli?"

Lars nodded and pulled Kirk's hips toward him. Kirk smoothed the lube onto his fingers and slowly started working them inside. Lars moaned and pushed back against the fingers. Kirk moved them slowly, back and forth, as if he wanted to drive Lars crazy. He was doing a great job of it, when he started to lick and suck at the sensitive spot at the base of Lars' offered neck.

"You taste so sweet, baby," Kirk whispered in his ear. "I want you so badly."

Lars whimpered and forced himself to hold his hips still as Kirk inserted another finger and hit the spot that sent blinding lights exploding behind his tightly clenched eyes. His breathing became ragged and he moaned at the loss of Kirk's fingers. The emptiness was soon replaced by the head of Kirk's cock. He couldn't help but push himself back hard against his lover.

"Patience, baby. I want this to be nice and slow. Want you to enjoy it." Kirk's voice wavered. Lars knew he wouldn't be able to hold out too long, either.

Then it started. The slow, lovely, torturous back and forth movement. When Kirk's hand reached over and grasped his own hardening cock, Lars was overwhelmed with the feelings that flooded his body.

Again, Lars whimpered and pushed back against his lover. He grabbed onto the sheets and banged his hand against the bed as Kirk hit his sweet spot again and again. Tears came to his eyes as Kirk's attention to his cock became faster, compared to the slow thrusting inside of him.

"Come for me, baby," Kirk purred in his ear. Soon, Lars felt the tingling starting deep within his balls. His breathing became ragged and he started to come again, all over Kirk's hand.

Lars felt Kirk's hands grasp his hips tighter and move faster and faster within him. He tightened his muscles, just as he felt Kirk's seed fill him and Kirk came with a loud yelp.

He felt Kirk's body tense and jump, but he was too contented to even move. "Uli, you rest here and nap. I have to go check on something. I'll be back. Okay?" Kirk whispered.

Lars nodded sleepily and snuggled into the warm sheets.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Kirk knew he'd heard the door shut. He had left it slightly open and when he got out of the bed, it was closed. He got to the door just in time to see it swing shut.

Fuck! He thought to himself, grabbed a pair of shorts and ran into the hall. He could hear the shower on upstairs, and he looked out of the window. James was standing on the back of his truck. He looked really pissed off and he was throwing his gear onto the driveway.

Kirk didn't waste any time; he could hear James peeling out of the driveway. He ran into his and Jason's room and grabbed a clean shirt, then stuck his head into the shower. He looked at his lover smiling at him, and felt awful. "Jase, I have to go to the store. You look after Lars. He's sleeping and James has gone out. I'll be back. Love you." He kissed Jase before he could say anything Kirk was tearing out of the driveway, barely behind James' truck.

 

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Why the hell didn't I fight harder? I love Jase. What the hell was I thinking?" Kirk banged the dashboard.

He really didn't expect an answer to his questions. He knew all along what he was thinking. He would always be there for Lars. The way things ended between them was bad. He never forgave himself for that. Lars needed him this one time, and he didn't regret it at all. Now, if he could only convince James that it was a one time thing and set things right.

Fuck! Who was he kidding? James would never listen to him. Actually, this was the least of his problems. What the hell would Jase do when he found out? Kirk didn't even want to think of that yet. He looked around the town for a sign of James' truck, and if things couldn't get worse, Kirk finally found it - Parked in front of Chet's Place - a tiny bar they all use to go to. Locals hung out there mostly and they could all shoot a game of pool without being bothered there.

Kirk parked the car, and went inside. It took a few minutes for his eyes to adjust to the darkness. He looked around a bit and only saw a few scattered patrons sitting around the bar. Chet saw him looking around and pointed to the back and the pool tables, he nodded his thanks. There against the furthest wall was James. He was racking them up and he Just paid the waitress for a beer. Kirk was pissed off; this was not going to be for nothing.

"You aren't gonna fuck this up, James. I won't let you," he said and knocked the beer out of his hand. It went crashing to the floor, then he grabbed James by the ear, forcing him from the bar, back outside into the sunlight.

"You're lucky that place was almost empty dick," James growled as he pulled himself free from Kirk's grasp. "You did your good deed for the day, now leave me the fuck alone."

"No way, we have to talk! I have to explain things to you."

"What's there to talk about? I saw you and Lars together making love. He obviously doesn't need me. He's made his choice. He wants you. Now can I go back and finish my drink?"

The cold calmness in James' tone scared Kirk, but he wasn't going to fail, not like he did with Lars. "No James, it's not like that. We need to talk so I can set things right. If you still want a drink after we talk, then I won't stand in your way."

James laughed and shook his head. "It's not likely that you could." He stopped and Kirk could actually see his eyes become glassy.

"It hurts doesn't it?"

"What?"

"Seeing us together? Thinking that someone else may take him away from you."

James nodded.

"Well now you know how I felt, when you did what you did to me and Lars."

"I told you, I'm sorry about that." James pushed his hands into his pockets and started walking down the street. Kirk followed him.

"I know and that's behind us. I just need you to remember, James. You hurt me and you hurt Lars. What we did tonight wasn't to hurt you. It was for us. It was a way to end things and say good bye. Lars needed someone and I wasn't going to disappoint him."

"So instead, you fucked him!" James said harshly.

"I'm not proud of what I did to Jase -- and you. But I don't regret being there for Lars. It was a one-time thing and it'll never happen again. I love Jason."

James stopped short and sat down on a park bench. Kirk sat next to him. "James, you have to understand. I don't want anything to ruin my relationship with Jase. As a matter of fact, here I was worried about you two... and I was the one who strayed." Kirk looked at James and saw his cheeks flush. He ran his fingers through his hair. "Did something happen between you two?"

"No," James said firmly.

"But you were thinking about it. Weren't you?"

James nodded.

"Can't say I blame you. You two were together for a long time."

"But I love Lars."

"I know you do. He loves you too, he told me tonight. He's just not ready to face it. Something is holding him back."

"We're both perfect fools aren't we?"

"What do you mean?"

"We both have love staring us right in the face, and we're both looking elsewhere. Why bother?"

"There's a big difference here. Needing someone isn't foolish, James. That's all it was tonight. Lars needed someone, someone who didn't haunt his dreams. It's kind of the same way you wanted Jase. It's not love."

"Is this supposed to make me feel better?"

"No. You have to earn what you lost with him. No one can do that for you. It's past time for you two to talk. Okay?"

James nodded. "Talk? I'm not very good at that. Will you help me?"

Kirk smiled and put his hand on James' hand. "I'm there for you, just as much as I am for Lars. I just hope you can forgive me for tonight."

"You know, I admire you, Quirk"

Kirk laughed. "Really? You admire me?" He raised his eyebrow.

"It takes a hell of a lot of balls to sleep with a guy's lover, then chase him down to a bar, just to bring the two of them back together. I respect that."

"Let's just hope Jase is as forgiving."

"Well I'm not gonna tell him what happened."

"You aren't, but I have too."

"Do you think that's such a good idea?"

"No, but I have to be honest."

James nodded. "Wait then. I'd rather you do it when we're all together, so I can be there for you." James paused. "Well, we're going biking again, on Friday. What if we all talk on Saturday? Sound good to you?"

Kirk smiled, then shivered at the cool night air. "Sounds really good. Can we please go back now? I'm freezing."

James laughed and threw his arm around Kirk, rubbing his shoulder. "Yeah, let's get you back, and I'm really tired." James walked Kirk back to his car and followed him back to his place.

The next few days were going to be really stressful for them all. Kirk knew it, but once they talked on Saturday, everything would be better. He was sure of it. Now, if things would just hold together until then. Kirk sighed.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Chapter 10

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Lars had been patient, for days he kept an eye on all of them. Fuck, they were getting on as Kirk had said. He always caught James laughing and joking with either Kirk or Jason. They were always chuckling or smiling, and there was no tension in the air. It was odd, but James was always with the two of them lately, he practically ignored Lars.

At first Lars didn't mind. Then he noticed that James had been overly friendly with Jason, always touching him, or laughing off in a corner together. Now it was Saturday and he watched as James and Jason loaded the bikes into the back of James' truck once again, getting ready for their fucking biking trip. They looked like they were in another one of those intense conversations. His stomach twisted when James gently hugged Jason, then kissed him on the cheek.

That fucker! No, I won't let him do that to them, Lars thought. He went to search for Jason's keys.

Kirk glanced up from his reading. He looked startled as Lars stood before him car keys dangling from his hand. "You want to go for a drive?"

Lars nodded as Kirk got up. "Sounds like fun. Anywhere special?"

Lars handed him his writer. "You really want to go here?"

He nodded and took the writer back. *Please,* Lars signed.

Kirk shrugged. "Sure thing. Lets go." Kirk grabbed his wallet as they both headed out the door.

It didn't take Lars long to track them down. James had taken him there once or twice before and face it, 'the beast' stuck out like a sore thumb.

Kirk parked across the way from James' truck and shut off the engine. "What's going on, Uli?"

He nodded toward the truck and Kirk sat back and watched as James and Jason looked over their bikes and made a few last minute adjustments. James seemed in a really good mood; Lars was sure he was going to show his true colors.

"Uli, I really don't underst..." Kirk stopped short as he watched James lean over and hug Jason tightly. "Oh, I see. Lars, you don't really know what's going on..."

Ignoring Kirk, Lars shook his head and got out of the car. He walked across the lot at a slow but determined pace, with Kirk following behind him. "Uli, lets go home...please. This isn't good for you. I'm sure there's a good explanation."

Lars ignored him and walked over to the truck pushing James against the tailgate. "F...f....fu...fucker! Leave him a...aa...lone." Lars yelled, as he continued to sign his words.

James just stared in shock. Kirk moved up and stood beside Jason, holding on to his arm.

"Lars? Where's your cane? What the fuck are you talking about? Wait a minute? You're talking?" James smiled and went to put his arms around the Dane.

"S....s...stay away from me you fucker...and s...ssstay away from them." He pointed to Kirk and Jason. "You haven't changed have you? Bastard, p...p.pprick, f...f...ffucker." Lars punctuated every word with his finger in James' chest. "I...I...I...w...w...won't let you use them like y...y...you used me in the hospital." James turned pale at Lars' words, and sat down on the bed of the truck.

"Lars, please, calm down. What happened at the hospital?" Jason asked.

Lars looked at Kirk and Jason - everyone's eyes were on him. He could tell they didn't know what happened.

*He never told you?* Lars signed and Jason looked confused.

"No, I didn't tell them. How could I?" James whispered. Lars could swear he heard his voice crack.

"I'm not s...ss...surprised. F...f...fucker couldn't even tell me." The tears were streaming down Lars' face. He was still signing and speaking at the same time. "I asked him, you know. S...s.sseveral times, to tell me what happened -- in the hospital. He s..ss...spent hours t...telling me everything that all of you did for me."

Kirk went over to Lars and made him sit down on the bed of the truck. "Please, Uli not here. Let's go home. We can all talk about this in private." He smiled. "What's important is, you have your voice back."

"Kirk's right, let's go back home," James said.

"No, I'm g...gg..oing home, but to m...m...my place, after you tell them what you did to me."

"Lars, please, I can't. Don't make me do this. I couldn't even tell you."

*So, you just pretended it never happened?* Lars signed.

"I did it because -- I love you. It's what brought you back to me."

Lars just shook his head. "T....t...then why didn't you t...t..tell me? Did you think I wouldn't k...know? Wouldn't be able to feel that I w...ww..was violated?"

"James, what the fuck did you do?" Kirk looked at him in horror. When he didn't answer he turned to Lars. "Is this why you were having the bad dreams, Uli?"

"The dreams were about the accident." Jason interrupted. "Lars wrote all the details down in a diary, Doctor Green told Lars to keep one and he showed it to me last night. I knew we would need to know what the dreams were about if they were to talk." Jason paused for a bit then continued. "It seems that Lars was coming back home, on the way to the airport, he flashed back to the time that James raped him, he was lost in the nightmare and didn't notice that an animal had crossed into his path. He swerved to avoid it and crashed into the tree. He wasn't trying to kill himself, but the rape did trigger him being distracted so he lost control of the car." Lars watched as James cringed at that revelation. Jason went on. "Lars felt something had happened in the hospital triggered the dreams he's been having now. He never told me what that was."

"Fuck it, James. What the hell did you do in the hospital?" Kirk demanded.

James sat there looking down at the ground. Lars could see that he couldn't look any of them in the eye. He was disgusted and wanted to leave when James finally spoke. "It happened when you and Jason left to get something to eat. I had lost all hope. I couldn't think of anything else. They said we were gonna lose him -- I just wanted to hold him, and make him mine again. I made love to him..."

"James!" Jason said his voice cracking. "Why?"

"Y...y...you used me again! Just to get off...f and please y...y...yyourself," Lars spit out between gritted teeth. "One last f...f..ffuck, before I shuffled off this mortal coil?"

"Oh god!" Kirk whispered putting his arm around Lars.

James started to pace. "No! Fuck no! It wasn't like that. I made love to you, and you came back...it was the only thing I could think of doing. -- and it worked."

"Then w...w...why couldn't you tell me? Why keep it a s...ss..secret?"

James sat back down next to Lars and took a deep breath. "Because this whole fucking thing was 'my' fault -- mine. I was the reason you were dying. I tried everything; stopped drinking, prayed, talked to you. We did what the doctors said -- and nothing happened. Your condition just got worse. I did what I did because, I held out some hope that it would bring you back to me." James ran his hand through his hair. "All that mattered was showing you I cared. I wanted you to feel that if you were dying, I was there, holding you...loving you. Maybe you would feel that if we were together, we could get through this no matter what. I needed you, it was the only way I knew, to let you know." James caught his breath and took in much needed air.

Lars saw a tear fall onto James leg. "Then you came back, and I thought god...it worked! Now we would have a chance, but things still weren't right. Now, I was the reason you were lying there unable to talk, needing therapy and not able to play the drums again. Me! I couldn't live with all of it. I couldn't tell you, Kirk or Jason. I couldn't deal with the pain, of what I did to bring you back. So, I didn't tell anyone what happened. I thought you'd hate me for it, and you do."

Lars couldn't believe it, all this pain for a misunderstanding. If James had just talked to him, trusted him. "I just wish you t...tt...trusted me enough to be honest. It would have saved us a lot of pain. I at least understand why you did it now. Before I just thought you used me. Just like the other t...tt..times. Kirk and Jase kept telling me you c....c..changed. I only knew what had happened in the h...h..hospital, between us. I couldn't see the change. Even when you worked so hard at it, the betrayal was all I could see. I also saw how close you were to Jase and Kirk, and I felt j...j.j.jealous that we didn't have that."

"And when you saw me with Jason. It brought all of the betrayal back?"

Lars nodded. Then reached for James hand. "At least I can 'try' to understand now. We need to talk a lot more. Can we go home now? I'm tired."

James nodded. "Sure, I'll take you to your place."

"No, I think we can talk better at yours. I'd still like to talk tonight, after I rest for a bit," Lars said softly and he started to go toward Kirk's car, but stopped when he realized Kirk wasn't following him. Lars turned around and looked at Kirk's sad face. He hoped Kirk wasn't going to do anything foolish.

"Jason, I need to tell you something." Kirk's voice sounded pained.

"No!" James shouted. Lars turned and shot a curious look at James.

"Kirk, there's no need to do this," James said.

Jason drew Kirk over to the side. "You don't have to say anything."

"But I do, Jase I have to tell you what happened." Kirk had tears in his eyes.

Jason shook his head. "No, I know about you and Lars, I came into the house before James. He was outside washing down the bikes. I had gone to Lars' room to check on him, and I saw what was happening. So I know."

Kirk went pale. "But...you...oh god, I'm sorry, Jase. Please forgive me."

"I talked with Lars about it that night, when you disappeared. Well I talked, he wrote. I didn't pick up on the sign language as well as you and James did."

"You aren't mad?"

Jason sighed. "Initially, yeah. Hell, I was fucking furious. Mad enough to wish James would find the both of you and beat the shit out of you. So, I just walked away and left the door open. I was being selfish, because I was more hurt then anything else." Jason lowered his voice. "I guess I wasn't surprised, because we've talked about your feelings for Lars before."

Kirk looked at his lover with tears in his eyes and nodded. "I'm so sorry for hurting you."

"Jase, if I can forget about it you can too." Lars and Jason looked at James in shock. "Yeah I know all about it. I did walk in on them, but I didn't smash their faces in. I left and went to a bar. Kirk followed me and slapped the drink outta my hand. Then we talked. What he said made a lot of sense to me, so I let it go."

"I can't believe you knew, and never said anything to me," Jason said.

"I promised Kirk I wouldn't, but if 'he' told you, I promised I would stand behind him, and I do."

Jason took Kirk's hand. "We need to talk." Kirk nodded.

"Let's go home!" James said, "seems we all have a lot left to say."

"Right behind ya," Lars said, breaking out into a big grin, at the sound of his own voice. "Fuck it I can talk!" he yelped.

"You just realized that?" Kirk smirked.

"Um...actually, yeah!" Lars said.

"There goes the peace and quiet!" James said teasingly.

James and Jason climbed back into the beast. And Lars and Kirk followed behind them toward James' house.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Lars just stared out of the explorer window. He finally understood so many things. The pieces of the puzzle were falling into place. He started to think back to that day in the hospital room. He remembered there was no pain, and he it had felt different from the other times when James had taken him roughly. He remembered the words of love, drawing him back, making him want to awaken. He started to cry as he realized where he belonged all along. He knew it would still take time, but now he was ready to move forward. He could tell James his heart's desire and they could all move on.

As all of the changes that James had gone through and done for him began to sink in things started to become clear for him. The fact that James hadn't ripped his and Kirk's head off was a good indication of just how much he had changed. Then Lars looked over at the man driving beside him. He could see the tears in Kirk's eyes. His selfishness could have ruined Jason's and Kirk's relationship. Because of his loneliness, he was guilty of what he just accused James of.

He reached out and touched Kirk's arm. "I'm really s...ss.ssorry. I never should have risked your r...relationship with J...JJ...Jase, just because I was s...sso alone."

Kirk suddenly pulled into a parking spot by the side of the road, and shut off the engine. He sat there for a while gathering his thoughts before he could speak.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Fuck!" James looked in the rearview mirror and slowed the beast down.

"Something wrong?"

"Seems Kirk pulled over and parked." James frowned.

Jason turned around and looked out of the rear window.

"Think we should go back, Jase?"

"Nah, I think Kirk needs to get a few things off his chest with Lars -- alone."

"Things? Like what?"

"Like the fact that he still loves Lars," Jason said softly.

James raised his eyebrow. "What do you mean? He told me, he didn't."

"Kirk will always love him. I really don't think he's 'in' love with him anymore. But the ties between those two are really strong. You did force them apart. Even though Lars wanted you, he still cared for Kirk. Now it's time to see if they can stay apart, or if we're gonna lose them to each other forever."

"Closure?" James tried to sound hopeful.

"I really hope so. I know I'll do a lot of things for the closed fist, but I don't know if I can go on like it was -- without him." James looked at Jason and an unspoken fear cut between them.

"Me either, Jase. Let's just wait for them at home. We'll know soon enough." James nodded, stepped on the gas and headed for home.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Finally Kirk put his other hand on top of Lars' "Uli, baby, you know I love you dearly. To be honest, I wanted to be with you again. So it's not all your fault."

Lars looked shocked. "B...b...b...but you love Jase!"

Kirk nodded. "Yes I 'do' love him. Jase and I have been dealing with how I feel about you. Now, you and I need to deal with it. You're forgetting, I loved you too."

Lars shook his head and touched Kirk's cheek. "I'm s...ss...sorry. I would do anything for you, but you know I love James."

Kirk nodded. "Yes I do, and this conversation stays between us only. I'll never talk about it ever again, but you need to know, I'll probably always love you."

"Kirk..."

"Let me finish. A long time ago James took you from me, and you let him, because 'you' wanted him. I didn't want to let you go, but I was too afraid of James. I knew he wanted you and I'm not stupid. Why would I hang onto you if you didn't want me? Besides I kinda like my face the way it was. James was pretty violent back then."

"K...kk.kirk please."

"I'm just being honest here. I held on hoping that something would happen. You'd realize you didn't want him. That you would get tired of being his victim. None of that happened."

"I d...dd...did l...love you K...K...Kirk I w...w..wasn't playing you. I still c...c..care about you." Lars felt lost and helpless once again; his stuttering increased, making it difficult and frustrating to get his thoughts across. Here he was totally destroying a man he cared so much for. The man he called his best friend.

Kirk smiled. "I know that, Uli. It's funny 'cause none of that matters now. What matters is, James Hetfield cared enough about all of us to get his shit together and get a hold of his life. He changed and by doing that he showed me how much he really cares for all of us. I admire him for that, and I would never hurt him."

"So you're doing t...tt..this for J..James?"

"I love you enough to let you go and be with James, so I can find my happiness with Jason."

"So what you're s...s.ssaying is you l...l.love me and always will, but you're not 'in' love with me anymore?"

Kirk nodded. "Actually, it's odd. I should be thanking James for ripping us apart and bringing Jase and me together. I've never been happier. I love Jase and it's all good. It wasn't like it was with us, all the hurt and pain mixed in with the love." Kirk grabbed Lars chin and kissed him softly on the lips. Pulling back he continued, "But it's like they say, you may get over your first love, but you never forget how special it was."

"S...s.sso we're okay?" Lars asked the tears filling his eyes.

"Ja, my little, Uli. You and I will always be okay." He wiped a lone tear away from Lars' cheek. "Besides, I really do love Jason. I never knew how much until tonight, when I thought I might lose him. I don't think I can take that."

"Let's g...ggo home! We really need to talk to them, set things straight."

"Home. I like the sound of that word. You know, Jase and I have talked about buying that lot that's down the road from James' place. Think James would like me for a neighbor?"

"Will you paint your house p...p...ppink?"

"Will it annoy him?" Kirk asked a gleam in his eye.

"Ah...p...p.probably."

"Hmmm hot pink or satin pink...what do you thinks best."

"I've always preferred s...sss.satin pink," Lars offered.

"Satin it is then," Kirk said as he looked into the side mirror, then pulled out of his parking spot. Lars knew they were heading down the road to James' home, and that they had one hell of a long night of talking ahead of all of them, yet he couldn't help but smile.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jason's neck started to ache from watching James stride back and forth across the living room. In all his years of headbanging he never had a pain like this.

"They're taking a long time," James growled and started rubbing his hand against the side of his leg, clenching his fist into a tight ball.

"Het, get control. You're way too tense and close to losing it."

James turned on Jason. "How the fuck can you tell I'm close to loosing it?" he yelled.

"That thing you're doing with your hand. You always do it when you're really upset."

James looked down at his clenched fist, sighed, and sat down next to Jason. "You really fucking know me well don't you?"

Jason put his arm around James. "Too well I think sometimes. In a way, I'm sorry that things never worked out between us," Jason said softly.

"Me too, Jase. I did care about you. I just..."

"It was never love...I know." Jason finished for James. He had understood from the very beginning, it could never be love between them.

"I'm sorry, man. Now that I look back, I felt that if Lars had Kirk, I had to have someone too. In my twisted mind I saw it as getting even with Lars in a way. He had Kirk...I had you. You suffered. I'm sorry."

"I always knew deep down you loved Lars. I stayed till I couldn't take it anymore then found Kevin. Or he found me." Jason smiled at the memory.

James sighed. "You know the thing I regret the most is now? If anyone asked me if I loved you...I'd have to say -- yes. You've been there for me through all this shit, been supportive and loving. Put up with everything I dished out. Jase, I have to thank you for being there for me."

"Just like a brother would," Jason said.

"We are family, aren't we?"

"A little closer then most I'd say!" Jason joked. "Can you say incest?"

James laughed and then jumped suddenly as he noticed the truck's headlights in the window. "There back,"

"That's a good sign!" Jason smiled and slapped James on the back.

"Think so?"

"I'm sure of it!" Jase got up and headed for the door.

James nodded and went into the kitchen to put the coffee on. They were all in for a very long night.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

~ 4 months later ~

James stood on the porch saying goodbye to Dr Fenton. He had worked with Lars and the rest of them for the last 4 months. Finally ridding them of all of the demons that stood between them.

Lars was back in shape mentally, and physically he was ready to start playing with the rest of them again. The doctor said that once he got through all the mental problems that were holding him back, the physical ones would quickly heal – and they did.

James shook his head and watched as he headed down the steps. His two band mates were making their way up the driveway. They were all having dinner tonight to begin discussing the new album. They had really come far in the last year. Now they were ready to take the world by storm again.

James took a deep breath. Things had been hard; it took a long time for Lars to finally forgive him. Even longer for him to finally get past the guilt, be able to admit the truth to one another, and move on.

His lover was inside making the last minute meal preparations. He just loved to cook and was driving James crazy with all the exotic dishes he made for him. What the fuck ever happened to steak and taters? Damn, give him good 'ole barbecue and he was happy, instead he got this fancy French shit. James grinned at the thought, then waved as he watched his cab pull away. The other two, turned and walked toward James.

"Where is he?"

"Inside making French craps."

"That's 'crepes', James."

"Whatever. He's driving me crazy with his latest hobby."

"You love eating, Het. Relax and enjoy it."

James put his hand on his bandmates' back. "Yeah, let's go inside." He opened the door and let the others go ahead of him. "Lars, they're here!" he shouted.

Lars came out of the kitchen with a big smile on his face. He was covered in flower. "Bout time you fuckers got here!" he growled, then sniffed the air. " My crepes are burning!" he yelled and ran back into the kitchen. James following close behind and grabbing a small fire extinguisher from the closet.

Jason shook his head. "Think anyone will believe this?"

"Not a chance," Kirk said as he kissed his lover on the nose. "Not a chance." He took Jason's arm and headed inside.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Before they knew it, dinner was over and they were actually down in James 'pit' jamming. They had spent about three hours in the basement and had finally come back upstairs for coffee. After a quick cup, Jason and Kirk made their excuses and left, saying they would come back tomorrow to work on some new shit.

"Fuck it felt good to be a band again." James yawned and stretched out on the couch. "Damn one a.m. came really fast."

Lars yawned. "Ja, but I'm really not too tired tonight."

"Really? Could have fooled me. You were yawning for the last hour. I think they finally got the hint and went home." James was sure Lars was upset about something, he just couldn't put his finger on it. He was acting strange all night long.

"Well I wanted them to go home."

James raised an eyebrow. "You did? Why? I thought everything went really well tonight, especially music wise. You were right on tempo."

Lars came over on the couch and sat next to James. "I wanted them to go home, because..." Lars stopped talking and leaned down and kissed James softly on the lips, then gently nipped and pulled at the lower one. "I want you to make love to me."

James sat bolt upright, knocking Lars on the floor in the process. "What the fuck did you say?"

Lars shot James a dirty look, then started to smirk, as James extended his hand to help him up. "I want you to make love to me. It's way past time we were proper lovers again." Lars' eyes were full of hope and promise.

"I'd like that," James whispered and pulled the smaller man to him, hugging him tightly. He was afraid Lars would change his mind and pull away. Instead, Lars slipped his arms tightly around him. "Are you sure, Pixie?" James was surprised at how his voice cracked when he asked the question.

James looked down and Lars' head nodded, then he looked up into James' eyes "I'm sure." Lars stood on his tiptoes and kissed James' lips softly. "You haven't called me Pixie in years." He smiled.

James nodded and headed back toward Lars' room. Lars stopped tugging at James' arm. "Uh...uh, not there. Upstairs in 'our' room."

James swallowed hard as they walked up the stairs together. He couldn't believe it. Lars actually wanted them to start sleeping together again. He had to adjust his cock slightly. The thought had made him hard, and he knew, if he didn't get upstairs soon he would come in his pants. It had been a long few months. Lars didn't want anything to do with him sexually. He decided not to push it and his hand became his best friend for the duration.

James heart was racing in his chest. He felt like a nervous bridegroom. Before Lars could say anything as soon as they reached the room James grabbed him and lay him down on the bed.

"James...ah..." Lars started, but was quickly cut off by James lips on his.

James could feel that Lars was slightly hesitant at first, but soon his lips parted and he tasted the sweetness that was Lars again. He moaned and pressed his lips against Lars' even harder. Finally, from lack of air, James stopped kissing Lars long enough for the Dane to speak.

"That was nice and all James, but I really gotta pee first!" Lars laughed and pushed the larger man off of him. He sat up and touched James cheek. "Don't worry I'll be right back." Lars got off the bed and went into the bathroom.

James banged his head against the pillow and threw his arm over his eyes. Fuck he was going to ruin this if he didn't step back a bit and take things slow. James smiled as he realized exactly what he needed to do. First, he pulled off his shirt and threw it on the chair near the side of the bed. He purposely left his pants on the denim would provide a bit of protection from him getting over stimulated, at least until he took care of Lars. Leaning back against the pillow he tried his most seductive come hither look.

Lars came out of the bathroom wearing only a loose pair of shorts. He looked at James and smiled. "Are you trying to seduce me, Het?"

James nodded. "Is it working?"

Lars climbed up on the bed. "I'll say it is, you look so horny like that. But why are your pants still on?" Lars plopped down next to James.

James looked into those big green eyes and leaned forward kissing Lars' lips tenderly. "Because, tonight is for you. All for you."

"But James..."

James put his finger on Lars' lips. "I want to take care of you. Please let me?" James started licking and kissing at Lars' jaw line, moving slowly down his neck, finally reaching his nipples. "I want to make you come so hard you'll scream from the pleasure." James swirled his tongue around the sensitive nub.

Lars arched into the kisses. "Keep this up and I'll come before you know it."

James nipped at the skin, pulling it gently between his teeth. With his other hand he pinched and pulled at Lars' nipple ring.

"Off," James said as he tugged at the loose briefs.

Lars moved his hips up and pushed the shorts down his legs kicking them off the bed.

Sliding his hand down Lars' thigh James lightly touched his cock. Moving his fingers softly against the skin, he ran them down and across the lightly furred balls. Lars closed his eyes and arched his hips trying to increase the contact.

"Now, Uli. Don't move. Let me do it all." James started to lick and suck at the harden nubs near his lips. "You taste so fucking good," he whispered, as he began to lick his way down Lars' chest, all the while making sure to run his fingers lightly against his lover's cock.

"Fuck, James I can't take much more of this," Lars moaned.

James kissed his stomach. "You don't have to wait any longer, Pix." He moved a bit further and reached out with the tip of his tongue. James slowly drew it across the tip of Lars' cock, then stopped as he heard a sharp hiss come from Lars. He started again; licking at the slit tasting the precum as it pooled against Lars' stomach. "So sweet," James murmured. James felt Lars' hips move upward and he opened his mouth, taking as much of his cock in as he could. Moving back and forth with his hand and lips, loving the velvet softness, James jumped as his lover screamed, then pumped his seed down the back of his throat.

"Shit, James I'm sorry I didn't mean to come so fast. I...tried to hold out...but..."

James sat up and moved next to Lars, kissing his cheek. "Shhh, don't worry. It's okay. Looks like we both need some time to recover."

"Huh?" Lars looked confused.

James pulled back and showed him the rather large wet spot that covered the front of his jeans.

Lars giggled. "Sorry, bout that, but... fuck I didn't even touch you."

James looked away. "I just wanted you so bad. Needed you for so long. I'm surprised I didn't come on the stairs on the way up here."

James laughed and then leaned back against the headboard and just held Lars for a long time. He loved the feel of the tiny body curled next to his. He felt right there. James knew he was finally complete, finally whole. He thought about how happy he was and how much he wanted to take Lars again and make everything complete between them. James reached down and unbuttoned them and pulled the jeans off adding them to the pile of discarded clothes on the floor.

Lars turned James' face so they were looking at each other. "It's nice to know you needed me so much, but were willing to put me first. I think I like that."

James smiled. "Good, but there is one little problem."

Lars looked worried. "Problem?"

James scooted back down on the bed and pointed toward his hardening cock. "He sees to have a mind of his own and he really wants you tonight."

Lars cuddled against James, putting his back to him. "Well I could never refuse him, now could I?"

James reached on the nightstand for some lube and spread it across his fingers. He moved them over to Lars' ass, then slid them up and down his crack, spreading the lube against his lover. Lars jolted a bit. "Sorry. You okay?" James asked.

Lars nodded. "That shit is cold!"

James grinned as he felt Lars shake with laughter. "It's not gonna be cold for long," he teased as he slipped one finger inside of Lars.

Lars hissed again. "Fuck, James...feels good."

He moved that one finger back and forth for a long time, until Lars was pushing against him with need, then he inserted another and finally a third. "Please....Het...more," Lars begged.

"Soon, Pix. Soon," James soothed. Then he pushed his fingers in further brushing over Lars pleasure spot.

Lars pushed back. "Damn, now James. Fuck me now!" he ordered.

James removed his fingers and spread the lube over his cock by rubbing it against Lars' ass. He positioned himself at his lover's opening and pushed inside slowly, gasping at the pleasure that overtook him.

James grabbed Lars in his arms and pulled his body to him as he slowly glided in and out of his lover, rocking back and forth. Reaching down James began to stroke Lars' hardened cock slowly in time with his own movements. "I want us to come together, then tomorrow I want you to fuck me."

Lars moaned at James words, and pushed back against him. "Fuck me harder, please," he begged.

"You sure?"

Lars nodded. "If you don't -- I'll fucking kick your ass. Now harder!"

James followed his lover's instructions, increasing his speed until everything was a blur of feelings and sensations. Finally he heard a loud scream and felt Lars tighten around him. James came hard biting slightly into Lars' shoulder to keep from screaming himself. The next sensation James felt, once his orgasm faded, was Lars' come dripping down his hand.

Lars' body was shuddering, James just pulled him closer and pulled the blankets up over the both of them. "I love you, Pix. I always have -- always will," he whispered softly into his lover's ear. "Thank you for loving me."

Lars pushed back and cuddled into James. "I feel exactly the same, Het. I always have. We've been drawn together since that first day we rehearsed. I knew then I would be with you forever."

"Fuck! It feels like it took us long enough to get here," James said, resting his head against Lars' shoulder.

"As a very wise friend of mine told me: 'The things we want the most in life, are fucking worth fighting for'."

James smiled. "I said that, the day we decided to make a go of the band."

"I know, and I've believed it ever since," Lars said cuddling into James warm body.

"I can't believe something I said effected you so much."

"More then you'll ever know, James. More then you'll ever know. It's why I never gave up, despite everything."

James held Lars tightly. He was finally where he needed to be. Holding the man he loved, with nothing between them, but the truth. "Fuck yeah!" he growled, then finally let sleep claim him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

~End~


End file.
